DEEP TALK
by Damngunnyshot and LeE
Summary: *FINAL CHAPTER*Sorry it took so long... There's a new guy at JAG... What will happen with Harm and Mac?
1. Default Chapter

DEEP TALK 1/10  
  
  
Authors: Damngunnyshot and LeE  
  
Classification: Romance, Some Humor H/M   
  
Disclaimers: JAG doesn't belong to us. It belongs to DPB and CBS. We were just having some fun...   
  
A.N. from Shannon: When Lilly suggested writing a story together, I figured 'oh sure, that'll be fun. Lilly's a great writer. Shouldn't take us too long'. Two outta three ain't bad, right? It *was* fun and you *are* a great writer, and I would like to thank you for being a great co-author! Your humour has gotten me through this experience and it has been a pleasure to work with you. You, the readers, may notice inconsistencies with spellings of certain words. This used to be a direct result of an American (Lilly) co-authoring with a Canadian (me), although I think I'm rubbing off on her-she's starting to spell like a Canadian :-) LOL!!  
  
A.N. from Lilly: Well, what a ride huh Shannon? We certainly had fun writing this, and you're right: it *was* fun, and it *did* take us longer than we expected, but hey! We got it done! :) I guess with both of us being beta readers as well as writers, it was bound to take a little longer...:) Well, if it were for me, this story would've been 1,000 pages long, so I know for a fact we never would've gotten all the ideas in paper had it not been for my great co-author that always kept us on the right track when the ideas were flying everywhere. Thanks Shannon!! As for my "inconsistencies" in spelling, well I can neither confirm nor deny that rumour (rumor?) LOL...   
  
Feedback: If you feel inclined to do so, please send feedback to Lilly at lee_81881@yahoo.com or to Shannon at damngunnyshot@yahoo.com Thanks!   
  
  
*PART 1 *  
  
JAG HQ  
0900 EST  
  
The rumors had been circulating around for weeks. It wasn't normal for the focused and respectable Commander Harmon Rabb Jr. to listen to scuttlebutt. It just wasn't like him to pay attention to that kind of stuff. Besides, the past few years, the scuttlebutt around the office had focused on one thing only. Harm and Mac. Their turbulent relationships with their significant others had been the topic of interest for a long time after Harm returned from flying. Harm had heard a couple of sensationalist stories about the events that had taken place while they were in Australia. It seemed everyone wanted to know how the Colonel had ended up half-engaged to Commander Brumby, and consequently how Bud had ended up with a wired jaw. Harm had chosen not to deal with the situation, and had settled for a distraction, Renee.   
  
Countless nights since that fateful ferry ride, he had tossed and turned, trying to get rid of the memories, to bury the feelings, to erase that painful look he had seen darken his partner's face as he broke her heart. On a daily basis, he had to remind himself that she had made her choice, that she didn't want him, that she loved Mic, that he had lost his chance. Numerous times he had found himself in front of his computer, getting ready to write that transfer request letter that could take him somewhere far away, where he wouldn't have to witness the consequences of his own stupidity. However, life had taught him that problems never went away magically. He had to face his demons and put them behind. He had done that many times. Ironically, Mac had always been there for him, and after Australia, he found himself trying to bury her in the past, just like he had done with his father, Diane, and flying. Thinking along these lines, he had decided, months before her wedding, to stop playing the petulant child role, and be the friend that he knew Mac needed. Time had gone by, and before he knew it, he found himself in the middle of the ocean, on a dark stormy night, fighting for his life, and praying for one last chance.   
  
God had apparently granted his wish. Mac had rescued him, and days later he found himself turning away from her once again when she needed him most. Thinking back, he tried to justify what he had done. He tried to tell himself that he had done the right thing, that Renee needed him and that it was the honorable thing to do. 'Come on, Counselor. That's weak. You can do better than that' he thought, but decided not to dwell on it any longer. After all, they survived right? He didn't die, Mac didn't get married, and their friendship was getting back on track, right? Wrong. All they'd succeeded in doing the past year was sweeping everything under the rug, hoping it never reappeared. Unconsciously, they had both avoided the real issues, the hurt, the nightmares, the tears.   
  
Tearing himself away from his thoughts, Harm stood up and sighed deeply. It was time for staff call, and for once he was in early. Today was the day the new lawyer was due to arrive at Headquarters. Ever since he'd heard about it through office rumors he'd walked around with a frown on his face. Everyone had noticed it, but chalked it up to the Commander's ego. Everyone thought Harm was nervous about this new guy taking his place as the top gun at JAG. Well, he was worried all right, not about someone taking first place at JAG, but in Mac's life. What if this new hotshot lawyer/pilot decided to go after Mac like Brumby had done? What would he do if....  
  
"Ready for staff call, flyboy? Or would your rather keep standing there beautifying your office?" Mac's voice came through his door as he realized he'd been standing there for quite a while.   
  
"What? No smart ass comment about me being early today?" he quipped, amazed at how well he had recovered from that one. Practice makes perfect.  
  
"Nah, I've decided to go easy on you. You know, with the new guy coming in today and all, I figured you'd have all the challenge your ego can take."  
  
"For your information, I do NOT feel challenged or threatened by this "new guy" as you call him"  
  
Mac scoffed and answered. "Yeah, right. I bet you it'll be just like when Mic.." she trailed off quickly as she realized what she'd said. They hadn't really talked about any of that. Actually, they'd knowingly avoided talking about the events that had started the avalanche, ending up in Harm's almost dying and her almost wedding. Mic's arrival at HQ had started it all.  
  
Harm visibly tensed at her words, and after looking away for a second he turned back towards her and opened his mouth to speak. He wasn't sure what he was going to say, but figured even adlibbing was better than nothing at all.  
  
"Uh, Mac..."  
  
"Good morning you two. Ready to meet the new guy?" Sturgis walked happily towards them and smiled. He noticed quickly the tension in the air and realized he'd probably avoided WWIII by interrupting.   
  
"Good morning, Sturgis" Mac said and Harm simply nodded and offered a tight smile.   
  
"Well, we better get going. Unless you two plan on telling the Admiral we're late 'cause we were planning his birthday party!" Sturgis said and smirked. Relieved that the tension had lessened between them, Harm and Mac laughed and walked towards the courtroom.  
  
"Good Morning, people" the Admiral started. A chorus of 'good morning Sirs' followed and the Admiral waited for it to end.  
  
"Well, we have a few things to discuss today, but first..." The Admiral continued and waved over toward the 'new guy' who was sitting in the chair across from Mac. Because they'd walked in late, Harm had had to sit across from Mac instead of next to her, according to the usual sitting arrangements. Because of this, Harm had ended up sitting next to JAG's new acquisition and hadn't had the time to size up his new co-worker without it being too obvious. Mac, on the other hand, had already given him the once over, to Harm's dismay. He was tall, maybe a couple inches shorter than Harm, but tall nonetheless. His dark hair and piercing blue eyes caught her attention as she realized just how much he reminded her of Harm. If Harm were sitting across from him, he would've noticed the appreciative look he gave Mac as she sat down.   
  
"Everybody, I'd like you all to meet Commander Patrick Jackson. He has been assigned to our office and will be working with us as of today. Commander Jackson will be partnered up with Commander Turner. I'm sure you'll all do your best to make him feel welcome here at JAG"  
  
Everyone nodded and murmured 'yes, Sirs'. Minutes later staff call came to an end. Everyone started back towards the bullpen, but the three Commanders and the Lt. Colonel stayed behind as introductions were made in a less formal manner. The Admiral looked back towards the four before exiting the courtroom, and noticed Jackson give Mac an appreciative glance. 'Damn it. I might just have to order Rabb and Mackenzie to get married if I am to avoid a Rabb-Brumby repeat' he thought and sighed as the door closed behind him.  
  
  
TBC 


	2. Chapter 2

DEEP TALK 2/10  
  
  
Authors: Damngunnyshot and LeE  
  
Classification: Romance, Some Humor H/M   
  
Disclaimers: JAG doesn't belong to us. It belongs to DPB and CBS. We were just having some fun...   
  
A.N. from Shannon: When Lilly suggested writing a story together, I figured 'oh sure, that'll be fun. Lilly's a great writer. Shouldn't take us too long'. Two outta three ain't bad, right? It *was* fun and you *are* a great writer, and I would like to thank you for being a great co-author! Your humour has gotten me through this experience and it has been a pleasure to work with you. You, the readers, may notice inconsistencies with spellings of certain words. This used to be a direct result of an American (Lilly) co-authoring with a Canadian (me), although I think I'm rubbing off on her-she's starting to spell like a Canadian :-) LOL!!  
  
A.N. from Lilly: Well, what a ride huh Shannon? We certainly had fun writing this, and you're right: it *was* fun, and it *did* take us longer than we expected, but hey! We got it done! :) I guess with both of us being beta readers as well as writers, it was bound to take a little longer...:) Well, if it were for me, this story would've been 1,000 pages long, so I know for a fact we never would've gotten all the ideas in paper had it not been for my great co-author that always kept us on the right track when the ideas were flying everywhere. Thanks Shannon!! As for my "inconsistencies" in spelling, well I can neither confirm nor deny that rumour (rumor?) LOL...   
  
Feedback: If you feel inclined to do so, please send feedback to Lilly at lee_81881@yahoo.com or to Shannon at damngunnyshot@yahoo.com Thanks!  
  
  
  
  
*FROM PART 1*  
  
"Everybody, I'd like you all to meet Commander Patrick Jackson. He has been assigned to our office and will be working with us as of today. Commander Jackson will be partnered up with Commander Sturgis. I'm sure you'll all do your best to make him feel welcome here at JAG"  
  
Everyone nodded and murmured 'yes, Sirs'. Minutes later staff call came to an end. Everyone started back towards the bullpen, but the three Commanders and the Lt. Colonel stayed behind as introductions were made in a less formal manner. The Admiral looked back towards the four before exiting the courtroom, and noticed Jackson give Mac an appreciative glance. 'Damn it. I might just have to order Rabb and Mackenzie to get married if I am to avoid a Rabb-Brumby repeat' he thought and sighed as the door closed behind him.  
  
  
*PART 2*  
  
Once the Admiral had returned to his own office, three naval officers and one Marine officer were left in the conference room. The tension among three of them was palpable, which only served to worsen the situation. Harm resented Jackson ogling Mac as though she were some sort of porn star and had therefore taken an instant dislike to the other cocky pilot/lawyer.   
  
Jackson had noticed the way Mac looked at Harm when she didn't think anyone was watching and took great pleasure in making the conscious decision to be Harm's toughest competition both in and out of Court.   
  
Mac was seething at the way Harm was shooting daggers at the new guy. 'How dare he do this AGAIN,' she fumed, 'You'd think he would've learned from the whole Mic fiasco. I have half a mind to ask Patrick out just to spite Harm. Or maybe not, that's how I got myself into the last mess' she thought and focused back on her companions as Sturgis attempted some conversation.  
  
Sturgis, having learned a great deal about peacekeeping from his father, made an attempt to lessen the tension and asked Commander Jackson about his previous posting.  
  
"Welcome to JAG, Commander Jackson. Where did you say you were stationed prior to this assignment?"  
  
Jackson's expression brightened as the topic of conversation focused on him. "Thank you, Commander Turner. I was onboard the Abraham Lincoln out of Everett, Washington. I was a pilot." Jackson made no effort to hide his arrogance.   
  
'I was a pilot' mimicked Harm's mind. 'See my wings? My name is Commander Jackass and I was a pilot. Oh yeah? Well I'm STILL a pilot so put that in your pipe and smoke it' Harm mocked silently, an eerie feeling of déjà vu overtaking him as he remembered finding Bugme entertaining the JAG staff with his stories when he returned to JAG from flying.   
  
Sturgis could sense the competition for Mac's affections brewing. Not wanting to be caught in the crossfire, he made his excuses and left the conference room. He remembered Mac's admission about being in love with Harm and knew that Jackson would never succeed in gaining Mac's romantic interest. 'Jackson has no idea what he's playing with. It should be interesting to see how this all plays out.'  
  
Mac noticed the expression on Harm's face and had to put her hand over her mouth to keep from snickering. 'He looks like a jealous seven year old! He's one step away from sticking his tongue out! Maybe some day he'll reach adulthood and do something about this mess we call a relationship. In the meantime, it would be nice if he'd play nice and quit treating me like some sort of simpering, helpless female.' She heard a voice and brought her attention back. "I'm sorry Commander Jackson, pardon me?"  
  
"I was just asking if you have ever been up in a fighter before, Colonel Mackenzie," Jackson's smug expression clearly told her that he thought she'd been distracted by him. Too bad for him, there was room for only one set of wings in her heart.   
  
She figured that her best course of action would be to attempt to put a stop to this impending situation before it even started. She was in love with Harm and the last thing she wanted was a repeat of the Bugme debacle. 'Well, they say the best defense is a good offense' she thought as she gave her reply.  
  
"Why yes, Commander, I have been. In fact, I've also punched out of a Russian MIG." She shot a look at Harm that she hoped would give Jackson a clue as to her availability or lack thereof, but not create a monster out of Harm's ego.  
  
"You punched out of a Russian MIG, Colonel?" Jackson replied with disbelief evident in his tone. "I have never heard of any American Marines flying a MIG, much less punching out of one. Care to share the story?"  
  
Harm had had enough and broke into the conversation. "The Colonel makes a hell of a good RIO, Commander Jackman and I can assure you that she did everything right when WE punched out over Russia," he said with a sneer so subtle only those who knew Harm well would recognize it. Mac was having fun.  
  
"Jackson."  
  
Harm looked innocently at the other man. "I'm sorry?"  
  
"Jackson. My name is Jackson" He said, annoyance etched on his face. His name was really not that hard to remember, and judging by the Colonel's unflinching reaction to Harm's "memory problem" it was obvious the tall Commander ran the show at JAG. "I've heard about you, Rabb. Your wins and losses are somewhat legendary. I find it difficult to believe you can't remember a simple name. Do you forget your clients' names also?"   
  
Harm dismissed the reprimand without missing a beat. "Right. Sorry. Hey, Mac, I gotta run. Pick you up at 1300 for lunch? Beltway Burgers, on me." The expression on Harm's face clearly told Jackson to back off.  
  
Torn between shooting Harm a grateful look and simply shooting him, Mac agreed. She really did not want to encourage any sort of ego wars between the two men. She knew that the only man she could ever love was Harm and she simply was not interested in pursuing other relationships. She began to follow Harm out of the conference room. Jackson followed her and walked by her side through the bullpen.  
  
"Colonel, I was wondering if you would like to have dinner tonight?"  
  
'Oh give up the cheesy Lothario grin already' she thought. Ever grateful to have the innate ability to think under pressure she quickly retorted with an innocent smile, "I usually do, Commander."  
  
Seemingly oblivious to Mac's reaction, Jackson continued, "I meant with me, Colonel, unless you are married or otherwise involved?"   
  
"Not that it's any of your concern, Commander Jackman, but I am not married. However, as much as I appreciate your kind offer, I must say no." Mac's voice was firm, yet kind. Her intuition was beginning to kick in and she didn't like what it was saying to her. She couldn't put her finger on it, but she just didn't feel comfortable around the new Commander. "If you'll excuse me. Lieutenant Singer, would you please show Commander Jackson to his office?"  
  
Once in her office, Mac giggled out loud. "Jackman!" Harm's habit of renaming people was sort of fun!  
  
  
BELTWAY BURGERS   
1348 EST  
  
Lunch went by silently, save for the usual comments from Harm about Mac's horrible habit of eating chopped cow. Neither of them had mentioned the morning events that had led to Harm's impulsive offer for lunch, nonetheless enjoying to the fullest the chance at a quiet meal between friends. Things had been going well at the office the past few months between them, and with Bud deployed, Mac had thought a new addition to the JAG staff wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.   
  
"So, Mac. What do you think of the new Commander?" Harm asked trying his best to sound casual; miserably attempting an icebreaker.   
  
"He asked me out" Mac said as she stuffed her mouth once again with a bite of the delicious triple cheeseburger she was devouring at the moment.   
  
"What?!!" Harm screeched at once, Mac almost choking on her burger, as she looked around embarrassed.   
  
"Are you nuts?" she hissed. "What do you think you're doing? We're in uniform for God sakes, get a hold of yourself Commander" she finished in a rush of anger, embarrassment and elation at knowing Harm had for once openly showed some emotion concerning her. Harm had never been so blunt about any of the men she'd dated. Then again, she'd never been asked out by a fighter pilot before. Well, Keeter didn't count. And what Harm didn't know about wouldn't hurt him.  
  
"Mac" Harm said, his voice the perfect example of a two-year-old whining routine.   
  
Mac simply rolled her eyes and spoke. "Harm, spare me the childish whining, will ya? It doesn't become you. So what if Commander Jackson asked me out?" Mac was really enjoying this, having the time of her life watching her ace pilot/ hot shot lawyer best friend squirm in his chair.   
  
"First, I'm not a child. Second, what do you mean so what? He's a jackass Mac!" Harm finished accentuating his words as he flung both his arms in the air.   
  
"Harm, you just met him today. What are you talking about?" She knew Jackson was a tough pill to swallow, but it was too much fun pulling Harm's chain. Who said she couldn't have a little fun?  
  
"Maaaac. You didn't see him look at..." realizing what he was about to admit to he quickly shut his mouth, averted his eyes, clasping his hands in his lap as his lips tightened in a straight line. Jackson was a poor excuse for a Naval Officer in Harm's opinion, and he'd only known him a few hours. He could kill him with his bare hands for looking at Mac like that.   
  
"Oh great. Now you're going to close up on me" Mac said knowingly as she sipped from her coke once more.   
  
"Mac, he's trouble, okay? He rubs me the wrong way is all" Harm said, the conversation quickly taking on a serious tone, if only in his own head.   
  
"Well, you better keep your juices under wraps if you don't want the Admiral to kick your six all the way to Venus. And the only trouble I see, Harm, is the budget adjustment JAG will need to store both your egos" Mac said, a teasing smile on her face.   
  
Rolling his eyes, a big sigh escaped him as they rose to leave. Why couldn't she understand him? Even more, why couldn't he just tell her he loved her and get it over with? Why the damn hell was she still not wearing a stupid ring that spelled RABB in diamonds?  
  
Mac watched him closely as they walked outside towards the SUV. Harm never lost his cool like that, not without due provocation. It just didn't make sense. As they neared JAG, the thoughts of worry over her partner were starting to pop up. They were at a good place with their friendship. They'd survived more than any friendship should have a right to endure, and they were still going strong. Walking side by side, they neared the entrance and Mac turned to look at him once again. Why was he being so testy about this? He had to know she'd never agree to go out with Jackson. Then why...  
  
"So, when's the big date?" Harm asked, unable to control the jealousy and tension within him for another second.   
  
She looked at him with disbelieving eyes and couldn't suppress the chuckle that escaped her lips at the look of horror in his face. Smiling tolerantly at him she said, "Friday night actually. We're going for dinner and a movie." Harm was just too easy to bait sometimes.  
  
Willing herself to keep the giggles back, she watched the colour drain from Harm's face. The little vein in his left temple began to throb, a sure sign that he was holding it all in. 'I wonder if that vein throbs when he's about to co...don't go there Mackenzie, you'll just have to change your skirt again and you haven't taken in your dry-cleaning yet so you're running short.'   
  
"Oh, Harm. You're jealous". Her hands crossed behind her back as she rocked back and forth on her feet, a childish grin on her face.   
  
"Am not" His feet slightly apart, arms folded across his chest, defensively averting his eyes as a 'yeah right' expression crossed his face.  
  
"Are too"  
  
"Am not... look, this is ridiculous. You're a grown woman. You do what you want"  
  
"Really?"   
  
"Of course" he scoffed.   
  
"Oh, Harm" she said and sighed, patting his cheek with her small hand. She shook her head in mock understanding as he narrowed his eyes.   
  
"I already told maintenance the smell of that new disinfectant was making you wacko. You'll be back to normal in no time, I promise." Fluttering her eyes prettily at him. His mouth opened to comment as she turned on her heels, smirking. Headed for the elevator, her Sailor in tow.   
  
"Mac, would you stop it. I am not jealous. I'm just worried about you, that's all" Harm finished in a small voice she rarely heard.   
  
"Harmon Rabb, Jr. stop pouting"  
  
"I am *not*..."  
  
"Whatever... why don't you get in here so we can get this elevator rolling and I promise I'll stroke your ego some more when Commander Jackman's around huh?" a bright smile on her face.   
  
"Maaac..." Her laughter drowned his words as the elevator doors closed. "Just don't stop at my ego," he murmured to himself as he turned away from her.   
  
TBC 


	3. Chatper 3

DEEP TALK 3/10  
  
  
Authors: Damngunnyshot and LeE  
  
Classification: Romance, Some Humor H/M   
  
Disclaimers: JAG doesn't belong to us. It belongs to DPB and CBS. We were just having some fun...   
  
A.N. from Shannon: When Lilly suggested writing a story together, I figured 'oh sure, that'll be fun. Lilly's a great writer. Shouldn't take us too long'. Two outta three ain't bad, right? It *was* fun and you *are* a great writer, and I would like to thank you for being a great co-author! Your humour has gotten me through this experience and it has been a pleasure to work with you. You, the readers, may notice inconsistencies with spellings of certain words. This used to be a direct result of an American (Lilly) co-authoring with a Canadian (me), although I think I'm rubbing off on her-she's starting to spell like a Canadian :-) LOL!!  
  
A.N. from Lilly: Well, what a ride huh Shannon? We certainly had fun writing this, and you're right: it *was* fun, and it *did* take us longer than we expected, but hey! We got it done! :) I guess with both of us being beta readers as well as writers, it was bound to take a little longer...:) Well, if it were for me, this story would've been 1,000 pages long, so I know for a fact we never would've gotten all the ideas in paper had it not been for my great co-author that always kept us on the right track when the ideas were flying everywhere. Thanks Shannon!! As for my "inconsistencies" in spelling, well I can neither confirm nor deny that rumour (rumor?) LOL...   
  
Feedback: If you feel inclined to do so, please send feedback to Lilly at lee_81881@yahoo.com or to Shannon at damngunnyshot@yahoo.com Thanks!  
  
  
*FROM PART 2*  
  
"Mac, would you stop it. I am not jealous. I'm just worried about you, that's all" Harm finished in a small voice she rarely heard.   
  
"Harmon Rabb, Jr. stop pouting"  
  
"I am not..."  
  
"Whatever... why don't you get in here so we can get this elevator rolling and I promise I'll stroke your ego some more when Commander Jackman's around huh?" a bright smile on her face.   
  
"Maaac..." Her laughter drowned his words as the elevator door closed. "Just don't stop at my ego" he said to the elevator doors.  
  
  
*PART 3*  
  
  
UNKNOWN LOCATION  
That evening  
  
He sat on the old rugged couch he had bought a few days ago, his eyes fixed in a blank space ahead of him, the crumpled piece of paper he was torturing in his hand making a noise that spoke of the fury he felt within him. Why did other people always have what he wanted? Was he just not good enough?  
  
Up until now, everything had gone according to plan. Well, almost everything. His intention had never been to give up his wings when he chose to attend law school. He wanted to keep them, just like Harm had done, but his abilities as a pilot were not nearly as good as Harm's, and unfortunately for him, the Navy hadn't deemed him worthy of the honor of wearing the coveted gold wings any longer. It had been a setback, but only a minor one. Law school had gone wonderful for him, and now the last phase of his plan was about to become a reality. The plan that would make his dreams come true.   
  
"I'll show you, Harmon Rabb" he whispered, a derisive smirk on his face as he rose from the couch and headed for bed.   
  
JAG HQ  
NEXT DAY  
1004 EST  
  
Harmon Rabb, Jr. was mighty ticked off. Mac had avoided him all afternoon after their nice enough lunch the day before. 'What did you expect Rabb? You made a damn fool out of yourself' he scolded himself mentally wondering once again when he'd let his feelings for his Marine get so out of control. They'd worked together for six years, been through hell and back; why was it so hard now to see her and not think of the feel of her lips on his? Why couldn't he steal glances at her in court anymore without losing his verbal prowess? Why couldn't he brush against her without his mind conjuring images of her body pressed to his in an intimate embrace? Why...  
  
"HARM!"  
  
"Huh? Oh, sorry Mac. Can I help you?"  
  
"Uh, yeah. Do you know where Commander Jackson is?" She wanted to laugh at his crestfallen expression, but if her plan was going to work out she had to keep a straight face. She would let him believe she was going out with Jackson and then surprise him Friday night.  
  
A choppy "No" was her answer.  
  
"Have you been hanging out with Webb? You sure sound like him"  
  
"Is there anything else you want to know? Jackman hasn't told me where he's taking you if that's what you were after, but I'd say you better dress nice, I mean, who knows? He might give you a ring..." the bitterness in his words was overwhelming and Mac could do nothing but stare, not willing to believe this was the same man that she had considered her best friend for so long. The same man she loved.   
  
A blow to her head would've surprised her less. Actually, it hurt. A lot. But she wasn't about to get into a fight with him, so doing what she'd done so many other times she dismissed his comment and chalked it up to lack of functional neurons. Come to think of it, Harm never said the right thing, why would he start now?  
  
"Stop babbling" She ordered, once again hiding the pain behind her Marine mask. Harm glared for a second and then returned his gaze to the paperwork in front of him. He knew he should apologize and he also knew she was waiting for it. His eyes kept roaming over the papers in front of him. Like a petulant child he refused to look up at her, his determination not to apologize greater than ever. 'I am *not* going to....'  
  
"I'm sorry, Mac"   
  
She sighed and gave him the saddest look he'd ever seen. "Harm, one of these days you're gonna have to learn that being sorry is not enough sometimes" and with that she turned on her heels and left his office in a spur of anger.   
  
"Mac..." he called after her, but she was gone.   
  
"Damn it" he said as his fist connected with his desk, papers flying down to the floor.   
  
The rest of the day went by with Mac in court and Harm hushed up in his office. He still couldn't believe the things he'd said to Mac that morning. He had absolutely no right... But damn it! How could she even think of going out with someone else now? Hadn't she learned her lesson from the Mic/Renee fiasco? He sure had.   
  
Sturgis had observed Mac and Harm the whole day. He'd seen her rush out of his office that morning, incensed. He'd heard Harm's fist bang on the poor desk, and he'd also seen the defeated look on his buddy's face when the time came for lunch and he stole a longing glance at his best friend's office.   
  
"Enter" Harm said, hearing the knock on his door. He knew it wasn't Mac. He could smell her perfume anywhere, so he didn't look up at his friend Sturgis as he entered and took a seat.   
  
"Harm" Sturgis began only to be caught off by Harm.  
  
"I know why you're here Sturgis. Mac and I had a fight all right? It happens. You've seen it before. We'll get through it like everything else"   
  
"Actually, I just wanted to know if you'd like to come over and watch a baseball game with me tonight"  
  
This caught Harm off guard and he thought for a minute. Maybe it was a good idea to go somewhere other than home for the evening. He knew he'd end up getting his ass drunk and a bad enough hang over to look dead most of Saturday. He'd done it enough when Mac was engaged to Mic. He'd done it enough when Mac had been TAD after his crash. He'd done it enough after she had returned and all they'd done was destroy what little they had left, and he was damn sure he wanted the vicious circle stopped. However, he knew it wouldn't happen overnight, so he chose to stay home, as always.   
  
"No thanks, Sturgis. But we can do it some other day. Just not tonight"  
  
"All right, well. If you change your mind..."  
  
Harm nodded and attempted a smile. A lousy try was all Sturgis saw, but it was good enough for him. It wouldn't be easy, but he owed it to his friend to at least try to help. Heading back towards his own office his mind went over the little information he had on Harm and Mac and their relationship. He had to find the right words to say or he'd end up on Harm's 'I wanna beat the hell out of ya' list.   
  
Another thirty minutes went by, and finally Harm decided it was time to head out. He had to admit, he usually got more paperwork done when Mac was mad at him. However, he sensed that this was not just one of those fights that go away at the end of the day. They'd have to talk about this. Sighing heavily, he leaned back on his chair, his eyes fixed on the ceiling, a pen twirling effortlessly in his hand. Looking out towards the bullpen, he saw Sturgis wave goodbye to him, and he responded, half-heartedly. Finally rising from his chair, he picked up his briefcase and cover and walked out.   
  
"And the hits keep on coming" he muttered as he saw Mac close her office door behind her at the same time. Their eyes met and both froze. The slightly reddened eyes told her story, and Harm cursed himself for the millionth time that day for always being the one to hurt her.   
  
"Mac.." he attempted as she broke off the visual connection and walked towards the elevator, her shoulders not as squared as usual. Quickly turning around she interrupted him.  
  
"Please Harm, don't. I forgive you. I'll get over it" Sure, she'd led him on to believe she was going out with Jackson, but it backfired on her. Not in her wildest dreams did she imagine he'd react so vigorously. She wanted to tell him the truth. That she loved him and that she'd never even consider going out with anyone else, but she couldn't. Not at that moment after he'd hurt her so deeply with his words earlier. She needed time to regroup.   
  
"Will you?" he whispered, his head hung low, his eyes still fixed on her.  
  
"Don't I always?" And with that she left him there, alone with his thoughts, alone with his guilt, alone with... Jackman???  
  
"Do you always work this late?" the voice he'd labeled as annoying after just a couple days broke through his thoughts. What the heck was he doing here? Didn't the Admiral send him to Quantico for the day?   
  
"Not that it's any of your business, but I only stay this late when my work warrants it," Harm murmured distractedly, his gaze still fixed on the elevator doors that had seemed to swallow his best friend.  
  
"Is that so?"   
  
"Yes" Another choppy answer. Maybe he had picked up some habits from Webb. Well, it was good to know. Maybe Webb would give him a job after he got his ass discharged for strangling Jackman.  
  
"I thought it had more to do with the Colonel being here so late as well." Jackson retorted with a smirk. After a long day and a fight with his Marine, few would consider the normally even-tempered Commander to be the poster boy for politeness at the workplace.   
  
"Listen, Jackman..."  
  
"Jackson"  
  
"Whatever... I'm a pilot and a lawyer, but not a psychiatrist, so if you have a problem, I suggest you take it out on someone who cares." He was dangerously close to Jackson by the time he finished speaking, and normally smug Commander Jackson had apparently shrunk a few inches.   
  
"I'm just trying to be friendly, Rabb. After all, we have to work together, and even though your friend the Colonel doesn't seem to pay me much attention now, I bet ya she will pretty soon..."  
  
Harm's brain was in overdrive as he processed Jackson's words. So, she wasn't going out with him after all. This new revelation startled him. Mac turned Jackman down? 'Oh, Lord. Here we go again. Another hound chase after Mac' he thought fleetingly, his mind reliving the Bugme era of their relationship. Anger rushed through him as he realized Mac had lied to him, but his instinct to protect her was way more powerful than his urge to ran out the to the parking lot and question her.   
  
"You touch her and I promise you you'll regret the day you set foot on this place."   
  
"Geez, Commander. That's a little harsh, don't you think?" Jackson had spent countless hours trying to figure out how to get Rabb riled up. Finally, he had his answer. He had suspected it, but he never thought the pretty Marine had such a grip on Rabb's sanity.   
  
"No, Jackman. I don't think it's harsh at all. Now if you'll excuse me"   
  
MAC'S APARTMENT  
LATER THAT NIGHT  
  
Mac dragged herself through the door to her apartment, dropped her briefcase and cover on the side table and sank into the couch with a deep sigh. She leaned back with her eyes closed for a number of minutes, replaying her disastrous conversation with Harm. She felt like knocking her head against the nearest wall. "Goddamn it, why do I do these things?" she exclaimed. Receiving no answer, she got up and went to take a hot bath to try to relax.   
  
The bubbles rose high above the bathtub when she sank into the tub. The candles reflected in the mirror and the music had been chosen for its calming effect. Mac sat in the tub thinking about everything and nothing all at once. As she mulled over the events of the past days, the pieces began to fall into place. She sat up with a start, not noticing the water splashing over the side of the tub. 'Of course he's pissed at me. I never should have let him believe that I had a date with Jackson. Ugh, I can't BELIEVE how stupid I am to try and make him jealous. OK so if I have to admit it, I will. Some part of me likes to see Harm jealous. His jealousy is one of the only concrete pieces of evidence that he lets me have about how he feels about me.'   
  
Mac let out a groan and flopped back into the tub and she began to think about how she could apologize to Harm.   
  
MONDAY MORNING  
JAG HEADQUARTERS  
  
The elevator doors slid open. Mac took a deep breath, stood high and walked out, right into Harm. 'Great way to start the apology, Marine, run the guy over..'  
  
"Jesus, Mac, watch where you're going in those shoes!" The expression on Harm's face told Mac much more than she wanted to know about Harm's mood. She knew that it would take much more than a simple verbal apology to rectify this mess. "I'm sorry Harm, I-". Consulting her internal clock, Mac stopped short. "Wait a minute, why are you here before me? Did I miss something?" She tried to inject a bit of humor into the situation with a small smile.   
  
"No, Colonel, I just have a lot to do this morning. If you'll excuse me." With that, Harm stalked off towards the Courtrooms.   
  
'Colonel?! What the hell is up with that? Damn, I really have messed this one up. But he doesn't have to be so rude about it.' Still mulling over what had just happened, Mac turned into the bullpen and closed herself in her office.   
  
A few hours later, Mac had finally been able to concentrate on work instead of Harm. A knock at her door interrupted her groove and she barked out an irritated "Enter".   
  
On the other side of the door, a repentant Commander Rabb had been just about to apologize for his earlier surly behaviour. Hearing the curt word from Mac, he mentally quashed his apology. "Excuse me, Colonel. I wouldn't want to bother you when you are so obviously busy." Harm turned from Mac and quietly closed the door behind him. The soft 'click' of the door spoke louder volumes to Mac than a slam would have.   
  
As Harm strode to his office, he felt like a cartoon character with black storm clouds surrounding his head. His mood was black and he felt the need to let some frustration out so he kicked his desk. Not realizing his own strength and frustration, he kicked harder than he had planned. Starting with a loud "OW!" he quickly degenerated into numerous colourful terms, using the most popular and then making up some of his own.   
  
Mac heard a loud bang from Harm's office, followed by his epithets. She sprang up from her chair and raced over to his office while thinking 'Huh, so the straight laced Flyboy could have been a Marine after all.' She pushed the door to Harm's office open and was treated to the sight of Harm hopping around, red faced, with his foot caught up in his hands. "Harm, what happened?" she asked with a concerned look.  
  
"I, uhhh, stubbed my toe on the corner of my desk" Mac guided him into his chair and pulled up one of his guest chairs next to his. "OK Harm, let me take a look," she said as she gently took off his shoe and sock. Mac realized that she had it worse than she thought as she saw Harm's foot and decided that it, too, was sexy like the rest of him. Her eyes met his as her hands ran over his foot, checking if any bones were broken. Her touch turned into a caress before Harm spoke. "Thanks Mac, I'm fine. I wouldn't want your new boyfriend to see you helping me or anything."  
  
Mac saw red and dropped Harm's foot. "Harm, what's gotten into you? Are you that intimidated at the thought of my going out with someone else that you feel the need to become even more arrogant?" He stared at her but didn't give an answer. She stared back, demanding an answer. Neither noticed a petite blonde Lieutenant closing his office door to afford them some privacy.  
  
Watching the door close, Jackson's suspicions were confirmed. Commander Harmon Rabb Jr's Achilles heel was definitely the beautiful Marine. 'Hmm, such useful information...what to do, what to do' he thought.  
  
Meanwhile, back in Harm's office, Mac spoke again. "Harm, I asked you a question and I would appreciate an answer. What's up your ass the last couple of days?"  
  
"You lied to me, Mac"   
  
"Harm..." She should've known he'd figure it out by talking to Jackson probably.   
  
"How was your date with Jackass?" Harm interrupted her snidely.   
  
That was it. No matter what had happened, he had no right to react that way! He had no claim on her whatsoever and she would make sure he got it this time.   
  
"Is that what this is about Harm? Are you jealous that I would consider going out with someone else? Allow me to point out that my phone isn't exactly ringing off the hook with anyone ELSE's offers!" She gave Harm a pointed look before continuing. "Ya know what, Harm? You need to grow up. You can't decide if you want me so in the meantime no one else can have me, is that it? Well, sucks to be you, Flyboy, because it's MY life and MY decision! Until such time that you decide that you're man enough to handle a relationship then you have ABSOLUTELY NO say in what I do!" She knew she was being unreasonable, but damn it, what would it take to get him out of his shell?  
  
Harm stood up and came within inches of Mac. "How can I even get a chance to figure out what's going on when you flit from controlling bastard to controlling bastard. Christ, Mac, maybe you should learn to love yourself enough to take control over your own life before you go around asking someone else to love you. When and only when you think enough of yourself to be with a man who won't control you, and be honest to him and to yourself, THEN maybe we can work. Until then, you and I won't work because I don't want to control your life. I have enough trouble controlling my own!" He opened his door. "Thank you for your assistance, Colonel Mackenzie. Have a nice day."  
  
Mac left Harm's office in a daze. She collected her briefcase and cover from her office and left the building, too shocked at Harm's words to tell anyone she was leaving and too shocked to notice that someone followed her out to the parking lot.  
  
HARM'S APARTMENT  
LATER THAT EVENING  
  
"I yelled at her" Harm whispered dejectedly as he dropped back against the pillows. Never before in their relationship had he lost his bearings the way he had that afternoon. Well, at least he'd never let her witness his loss of control when it came to his feelings for her. Everything around him spun, as he tried his hardest to get a grip on what he was feeling. Was it hurt? Was it regret? Was it pain? Was it rage? 'All of the above' he thought, running the palm of his hand over his face, applying soft pressure on his closed eyelids as the tears threatened to fall.   
  
It scared him, that at some level, he felt relieved that he had actually said those things to her. The love he felt for Sarah Mackenzie was never ending, nothing could ever make him love her any less, but it would take some time to get rid of the hurt that washed over him after he realized Mac had lied to him about her date with Commander Jackass. Was this all a game to her? Did she not realize how much it affected him? Harmon Rabb, Jr. was a lot more emotional than people gave him credit for. Allowing his jealousy and dislike of the new Commander to show had been a way for him to let Mac know how much he cared. To let her know that he wouldn't let anyone interfere with their relationship, not again. However, as always, something had ruined it all, and this time it had been Mac.   
  
"What do you want, Mac? How much more of me do you want?" he whispered as the hateful words he'd uttered earlier inundated his mind once again.  
  
JAG HQ  
NEXT DAY  
0915 EST  
  
The next morning Admiral Chegwidden called a staff meeting. Noting the tension in the air among his subordinates, he wondered what Rabb and Mackenzie were up to this time. 'Oh boy, some days that baseball coaching position appeals more and more'. With a sigh, he peered over his glasses at the personnel assembled around the conference table. "Commander Rabb, pray tell, where is Colonel Mackenzie?"  
  
Harm coolly replied with "I don't know the Colonel's whereabouts, Sir."  
  
AJ took his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose as he attempted to rein in his temper. "Well, then, has anyone ELSE seen her this morning?" he said through gritted teeth. A chorus of "no, sirs" came back at him before he proceeded to hand out the work assignments. "And if anyone sees Colonel Mackenzie, have her report to my office ASAP before I report her UA!"  
  
TBC 


	4. Chapter 4

DEEP TALK  
  
  
Authors: Damngunnyshot and LeE  
  
Classification: Romance, Some Humor H/M   
  
Disclaimers: JAG doesn't belong to us. It belongs to DPB and CBS. We were just having some fun...   
  
A.N. from Shannon: When Lilly suggested writing a story together, I figured 'oh sure, that'll be fun. Lilly's a great writer. Shouldn't take us too long'. Two outta three ain't bad, right? It *was* fun and you *are* a great writer, and I would like to thank you for being a great co-author! Your humour has gotten me through this experience and it has been a pleasure to work with you. You, the readers, may notice inconsistencies with spellings of certain words. This used to be a direct result of an American (Lilly) co-authoring with a Canadian (me), although I think I'm rubbing off on her-she's starting to spell like a Canadian :-) LOL!!  
  
A.N. from Lilly: Well, what a ride huh Shannon? We certainly had fun writing this, and you're right: it *was* fun, and it *did* take us longer than we expected, but hey! We got it done! :) I guess with both of us being beta readers as well as writers, it was bound to take a little longer...:) Well, if it were for me, this story would've been 1,000 pages long, so I know for a fact we never would've gotten all the ideas in paper had it not been for my great co-author that always kept us on the right track when the ideas were flying everywhere. Thanks Shannon!! As for my "inconsistencies" in spelling, well I can neither confirm nor deny that rumour (rumor?) LOL...   
  
Feedback: If you feel inclined to do so, please send feedback to Lilly at lee_81881@yahoo.com or to Shannon at damngunnyshot@yahoo.com Thanks!  
  
  
*FROM PART 3*  
  
The next morning Admiral Chegwidden called a staff meeting. Noting the tension in the air among his subordinates, he wondered what Rabb and Mackenzie were up to this time. 'Oh boy, some days that baseball coaching position appeals more and more'. With a sigh, he peered over his glasses at the personnel assembled around the conference table. "Commander Rabb, pray tell, where is Colonel Mackenzie?"  
  
Harm coolly replied with "I don't know the Colonel's whereabouts, Sir."  
  
AJ took his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose as he attempted to rein in his temper. "Well, then, has anyone ELSE seen her this morning?" he said through gritted teeth. A chorus of "no, sirs" came back at him before he proceeded to hand out the work assignments. "And if anyone sees Colonel Mackenzie, have her report to my office ASAP before I report her UA!"  
  
  
*PART 4*  
SAME DAY  
30 MINUTES BEFORE STAFF CALL  
JAG HQ  
  
"JAG Headquaters"  
  
"Tiner? This is Colonel Mackenzie, could you leave a message for the Admiral?"  
  
"Of course, Ma'am" Tiner replied in his usual cheerful voice. Taking down a few notes he stood up as soon as he set the phone back down and headed towards the Admiral's desk to deliver the message.   
  
A few steps away, someone listened in interest, and at the first mention of Colonel Mackenzie, his antenna went up, and the plan formed in his devious mind. Staff call was scheduled to begin in a few moments, and he had watched the Admiral head towards the conference room minutes before.   
  
Seeing Tiner exit the Admiral's office, he busied himself, reading over a case file he held in his hands, and as Tiner passed by headed for the break room, he made his move. A nice little scare for the Almighty Commander Rabb was definitely in order according to his plan to turn Rabb's life upside down.   
  
Being careful not to be spotted, he quickly slipped into the Admiral's office, retrieved the tiny piece of paper Tiner had just put in his desk, and squeezed out, crumpling the note inside his pocket. Everything should work out perfectly. By the time staff call came to an end, Tiner should be on his way to the doctor's appointment he had, and no one would have a clue as to the Colonel's whereabouts. With an evil grin, he walked purposefully away from Tiner's desk. The day was shaping up just like he had imagined it.   
  
BACK TO PRESENT  
JAG HQ  
0957  
  
As soon as Harm made his appearance in the bullpen, he noticed the change in the atmosphere. Everyone had heard the previous day's argument that had deteriorated into a shouting match. Mac was nowhere to be found, and as always, everyone seemed to think it was his fault. An obviously intimidated Harriet made her way towards Harm as he prepared to enter his office.   
  
"Uh, Sir?" Harriet asked softly. Harm looked down at her and couldn't help but smile at her obvious discomfort.  
  
"Harriet, I won't bite. What is it?"   
  
"Uh, well, there's a few documents I need you to sign, well, it should be the Colonel, but, well... since she's not here, I thought maybe you could...."  
  
"Harriet" Harm stopped her stammering with a hand "Put them in my desk. I need some coffee" he murmured as he started making his way over to the break room.  
  
"Yes, Sir" Harriet answered, grateful for the opportunity to get away.   
  
"Why me, Lord" Harm muttered as he entered the break room only to come face to face with Commander Jackass.   
  
"Good Morning, Commander Rabb. How nice to see you"  
  
"Morning" he mumbled distractedly as he reached for the coffee pot and poured himself a cup. The taste of the hot liquid in his mouth made it all the more clear to him that Mac wasn't around. She was always there before anyone else, so Harm had gotten used to the strong Marine coffee she made, although he'd never admit that under oath. The watered down liquid he tasted now was definitely not her doing, and that just enhanced his feeling of worry knowing she wasn't around. Looking forward, he noticed Jackman's mouth moving, and realized he was being spoken to.   
  
"I'm sorry, what?" Harm replied, looking away, reaching for the coffee pot once again after he downed the first cup quickly.   
  
"I said" Jackson started impassively "how unusual that Col. Mackenzie is not in today. Is it normal for her to arrive late?"  
  
"No" Harm answered quickly and turned to leave, missing entirely the satisfied evil grin that spread across Jackson's face.  
  
TWO HOURS LATER  
HARM'S OFFICE  
  
Almost time for lunch, and no word of Mac. He'd left countless messages on her cell phone, called her apartment and sent e-mails. Nothing. Worry was starting to seep into him, and running a hand over his face he picked up the phone once again to attempt communication with her. He knew she probably wouldn't want to talk to him. Actually, he was completely certain she hated him even more than she did before. Why did nothing ever worked out the way he planned?   
  
Once again, her answering machine picked up, and her voicemail message greeted him when he called her cell phone. Where could she be? Thinking over and over his eyes opened wide as the possibility of her being in danger went up in the list. What if she was hurt? What if she had been kidnapped? What if she'd been in an accident? What if... "God, no" he whispered as he remembered that day long ago when she'd been so overwhelmed by everything that she'd gone drinking, thinking she couldn't count on him. Could it be? What if...   
  
His thoughts didn't go far before he found knocking on the Admiral's door. After receiving permission to enter, he stood at attention in front of the Admiral's desk.   
  
"Good, you're here. I was about to call for you, Commander"  
  
"Sir, I think I need to..."   
  
"Harm. Go. Find her before I really report her UA and am forced to take action on this" AJ said in a stern voice, as always hiding his concern for his people behind his gruff CO mask.  
  
"Sir, I'm sure she has a good excuse for this. You know she'd never just not show up without a reason and..."  
  
"Commander, I really hope this has nothing to do with your little encounter yesterday" AJ uttered as he put his reading glasses back on and pretended nonchalance.   
  
"Uh, Sir. I don't think... I mean, it was just an argument we had about... uh..."  
  
"Rabb, that shouting match you call an argument was heard at the Pentagon. If Mac's behavior has anything to do with that, I suggest you fix whatever it is before I decide to intervene" Once again his words held no threat, simply an almost fatherly admonishment.  
  
"Yes, Sir. I..."  
  
"Dismissed" Harm understood not another word was to be said and quickly stood at attention and left. Hurrying out of the building, he quickly got on his car, and stepped on the gas, determined to find that stubborn Marine of his.   
  
Harm felt pangs of guilt as he pulled into the parking lot of his first stop. He hated that he felt compelled to look for Mac at McMurphy's but he knew that her demons in respect to her alcoholism could never be laid to rest. Releasing a deep breath he opened the door to the premises and walked in. Relief washed over him as it became evident to him that Mac was not there. Returning to his vehicle, he spent the rest of the morning checking her favourite haunts with no luck.  
  
Having exhausted all of his ideas for Mac's whereabouts, Harm went back to JAG. He pulled his Rolodex and his telephone closer to him and went to work. The first call he made was to Leavenworth, Kansas. Clark Palmer was still incarcerated. He tried his luck with Chloe, censoring his cover story so as not to scare the young girl, only to hear that she was on vacation with her dad in Disneyland. Everyone else who would know of Mac's whereabouts was in the same building he was and so wouldn't know much more than he.   
  
With a knot in his stomach, he dialed the local hospitals and police force to see if there were any Jane Does. Harm was so relieved to have no luck there he swallowed back the tears that threatened to fall.   
  
Sighing, Harm hit a line out and punched the numbers he hated to dial because those numbers usually got him and Mac into more trouble than they ever banked on.  
  
  
  
"Webb, Harm. Hey, I need a favour," Harm sighed into the phone. He took less than a minute to relay to the spook the scant details he had on Mac's disappearance. Extracting a promise from the spy to check into it as soon as possible, Harm hit the release button on the phone and plunked his head into his hands in defeat. 'Maaacc, I don't know where else to look. Please be ok. I promise I'll behave, just come back to me.'  
  
A tall shadow fell into Harm's office, causing him to look up to see Commander Jackson. "Can I help you, Commander?" he said briskly.  
  
"Just checking in to see if you've heard from our lovely Colonel" Jackson replied nonchalantly. "I just wanted to ask her if she wanted to have dinner with me this evening."  
  
Harm stood up and came around to the front of his desk. He looked down at Jackson with a menacing gleam in his eye. "Jackman, I suggest that you don't let Colonel Mackenzie hear you refer to her as 'our lovely Colonel'. She hasn't come as far as she has by relying on her looks and I can guarantee that any allusion to that will get your six kicked from here across the Atlantic."  
  
"The name is Jackson. Testy, aren't we, Commander Rabb?" Jackson replied. "Perhaps you have an unprofessional interest in the Colonel's well-being? Could that be why she has rejected my offers? You may be interested in knowing that she denied being involved with anyone."  
  
Harm began to see red at Jackson's inferences. With "officer and a gentleman" becoming a mantra in his mind, Harm lowered his voice and spoke with a definite tone. "I don't know who you are and I don't much care. My relationship with Mac or lack thereof is none of your concern, but you WILL stay the hell away from her or I'll have your ass for harassment, do you understand Commander Jackson?"  
  
"You know as well as I do, Rabb, that it needs to be her to file the charges, not you. So what are you going to do about it, huh? You don't control me, hell, you barely outrank me only because of time in rank, so don't think you can order me not to pursue the babe with the body. She wants me and she knows it, she's just playing hard to get like they all do. And you're jealous of that because you're nothing but a washed up jet jockey who's afraid to go after what you really want in life." Jackson stood defiantly in front of Harm with a smug grin. Harm lost all of the control he had willed himself to maintain and he watched as his fist whizzed through the air and connected with Jackson's jaw, sending Jackson sprawling to the ground.  
  
"Look, Jackass, you can say whatever you want about me but don't you EVER speak unkindly about Colonel Mackenzie again!" With that, Harm spun on his heel and slammed his office door, catching Jackson in the ribs with the corner of the door.  
  
Jackson pulled himself upright and looked around the bullpen. "Witnesses. You are all witnesses to this assault!" Each person looked at him with varying degrees of disgust and turned their backs to their jobs, effectively shutting Jackson out. Rage filled him as he hollered out at them. "You can't just turn your backs on me. You saw that Commander Rabb assaulted me without provocation!" He waved his hands and walked around in a circle, continuing to yell about how Harm had punched him. His circle led him to appear before a very cross Rear Admiral Upper Half.   
  
"MISter Jackson, calm yourself before I have one or more of your stripes! I will not tolerate such lunacy in my bullpen!" AJ said in the even tone that incited more fear in his subordinates than his yell.   
  
"Sir, Commander Rabb has assaulted me and these people are all witnesses to the crime. I insist that you detain Rabb and have him prosecuted for assault and conduct unbecoming an officer! Tell him, people, tell him how Rabb hit me and threatened me!"  
  
Admiral Chegwidden surveyed those people in the bullpen. He saw them all look upon Jackson with contempt in their eyes. He heard nothing. Not even from Lt. Singer.  
  
"*I* will decide who is charged with what around here. There seems to be no corroboration to your claim, Commander. Get out of here and don't come back unless and until you can provide me with evidence of your mental fitness to serve." As he stalked back to his office, AJ issued one more order. "Tiner, I'm leaving for the day. Have Commanders Rabb and Turner meet me at my residence."  
  
"Aye, aye, Sir"  
  
TBC 


	5. Chapter 5

DEEP TALK 5/10  
  
  
Authors: Damngunnyshot and LeE  
  
Classification: Romance, Some Humor H/M   
  
Disclaimers: JAG doesn't belong to us. It belongs to DPB and CBS. We were just having some fun...   
  
A.N. from Shannon: When Lilly suggested writing a story together, I figured 'oh sure, that'll be fun. Lilly's a great writer. Shouldn't take us too long'. Two outta three ain't bad, right? It *was* fun and you *are* a great writer, and I would like to thank you for being a great co-author! Your humour has gotten me through this experience and it has been a pleasure to work with you. You, the readers, may notice inconsistencies with spellings of certain words. This used to be a direct result of an American (Lilly) co-authoring with a Canadian (me), although I think I'm rubbing off on her-she's starting to spell like a Canadian :-) LOL!!  
  
A.N. from Lilly: Well, what a ride huh Shannon? We certainly had fun writing this, and you're right: it *was* fun, and it *did* take us longer than we expected, but hey! We got it done! :) I guess with both of us being beta readers as well as writers, it was bound to take a little longer...:) Well, if it were for me, this story would've been 1,000 pages long, so I know for a fact we never would've gotten all the ideas in paper had it not been for my great co-author that always kept us on the right track when the ideas were flying everywhere. Thanks Shannon!! As for my "inconsistencies" in spelling, well I can neither confirm nor deny that rumour (rumor?) LOL...   
  
Feedback: If you feel inclined to do so, please send feedback to Lilly at lee_81881@yahoo.com or to Shannon at damngunnyshot@yahoo.com Thanks!   
  
  
  
  
*FROM PART 4*  
  
"Sir, Commander Rabb has assaulted me and these people are all witnesses to the crime. I insist that you detain Rabb and have him prosecuted for assault and conduct unbecoming an officer! Tell him, people, tell him how Rabb hit me and threatened me!"  
  
Admiral Chegwidden surveyed those people in the bullpen. He saw them all look upon Jackson with contempt in their eyes. He heard nothing. Not even from Lt. Singer.  
  
"*I* will decide who is charged with what around here. There seems to be no corroboration to your claim, Commander. Get out of here and don't come back unless and until you can provide me with evidence of your mental fitness to serve." As he stalked back to his office, AJ issued one more order. "Tiner, I'm leaving for the day. Have Commanders Rabb and Turner meet me at my residence."  
  
PART 5  
  
ADMIRAL'S RESIDENCE  
MACLEAN, VA  
1900 EST  
  
With Harm and Sturgis carefully reviewing Mac's latest case files in the living room, AJ busied himself in the kitchen, where unknown to both his officers, he was fixing them dinner. Thinking over the situation, he sighed as he contemplated the wreck he'd have in his hands if Mac wasn't found soon. The wreck had a name and a face: Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr.   
  
"So, how are you Harm?" Sturgis asked quietly as he pretended not to have something to talk about. Harm hadn't slept a wink the past few days, and Mac's sudden disappearance wasn't making it easier for Harm to deal with the fall out of the heated argument they'd had the day before.   
  
"Mac is missing. How do you think I feel?" Harm said and Sturgis tried not to take his offensive tone to heart. If he had someone in his life that meant as much to him as Mac meant to Harm, he couldn't imagine feeling any better.   
  
Sturgis sighed and started. "Harm we'll find her, you'll see"   
  
"Uh huh" was all Harm answered, his eyes fixed on an invisible target beyond his friend. AJ found him this way as he strolled back into the living room, and announced dinner was ready. Minutes later, AJ and Sturgis were enjoying their meals, while Harm simply poked around with the fork. AJ sighed and looked over at Sturgis, who simply shook his head.   
  
"Harm" AJ started. "Commander" he raised his voice a little, using his commanding voice to demand his subordinate's attention.  
  
"Sorry, Sir. What did you say?" Harm asked, his eyes still not focused on the two military officers intently staring at him with worry.   
  
"How are you holding up, son?"   
  
"I'm fine, Sir. I'm sure we'll find her sooner or later. I mean, she's okay I'm sure" Harm uttered, attempting to convince himself as much as the two men sitting in front of him. Lowering his eyes, he tried once again to fight the tears and the frustration. Raising the fork to his mouth he took a bite of the wild rice and vegetables that AJ had prepared and offered a sad smile as he met Sturgis' eyes.   
  
Some time later, they sat around in the living room in silence, as each of them tried to think of anything that could help them find Mac. Sturgis lifted his head from the file he was reviewing and silently scrutinized his friend's appearance. Harm looked like hell. That he hadn't slept was nothing new, but there was something else beyond his lack of physical well-being.   
  
"Uh, Harm, do you mind if I ask you something, well, personal?"  
  
'Oh, no,' Harm thought as he squirmed uncomfortably in his chair, causing Sturgis to cock an eyebrow at him. Never before had Sturgis seen Harm act this way. It was like he was 19 again, and getting ready for a punishment at the Academy for some irrational prank he'd been the leader of.   
  
"Sure, Sturg. Ask away" he said a lot more confidently than he really felt as AJ looked on in interest.   
  
"Well, I know I asked you before the Jagathon about you and Mac being more than friends, and you said that you weren't..."   
  
Harm was so tired he merely motioned for Sturgis to go on. He knew where he was going with this line of questioning, and in his mind there was no way of avoiding hitting the iceberg. Frankly, he was damn tired of avoiding things in his life. Maybe it was time to come clean once and for all. Alarm bells went off, and the fear rose within him once again. He couldn't do it yet. Not before he talked to Mac. She had to be the first one to hear it. If he was ever to declare his love for her, he'd have to practice his speech, and it was too precious an occasion to waist on Sturgis, and respectfully, the Admiral. All this thought of Mac only made him remember the crude reality he was now facing. She was nowhere to be found, and if something happened to her he'd never forgive himself for not telling her the truth, for not telling her all that she deserved to know.  
  
Sturgis sighed and plunged ahead. Maybe he could get through Harm's defenses now that he was tired and weary. Maybe Harm simply needed to let it all out, to talk it out once and for all. "Why don't you just tell her you love her?"  
  
The Admiral stating he liked dressing as a woman would've surprised him less. Harm simply laughed. "Good Lord, Sturgis, no pity on your old buddy tonight?" He sobered up quickly and thought how to answer the question strategically so it wouldn't come back to bite him in the six. It usually happened when he opened his big mouth. But once these thoughts crossed his mind he pushed them aside. If Mac didn't come back, nothing he said or didn't say would matter anymore. Still, he couldn't make himself let go, he couldn't make himself say the words. He still looked for a way out.   
  
"Sturgis, you're too idealistic" Harm said sadly, a futile attempt at diverting the attention from the real issue at hand.   
  
AJ watched silently the emotions run across Harm's face. If there was something he was sure Harm was feeling, it was guilt. Harm and that damn hero complex.   
  
"Harm, did you talk to her, you know, after you had that...uh...argument yesterday at the office" AJ asked, careful not to sound accusatory.   
  
"No, Sir. She just left, and I well... I didn't call her or..." his face fell between his hands and his voice was dangerously close to breaking. "I should've called. I should've gone by to check on her, I mean, for all I know, she could've been in danger last night. If someone took her, I could've helped her, I should've..."  
  
"Harm, blaming yourself won't make this any easier on any of us. It wasn't your fault"  
  
"You don't get it, Admiral. I... I can't lose her. Not now, not ever" the sadness in his voice was enough to grip even the tough SEAL's heart.   
  
"Why were you fighting, Harm? What happened? Was it a case?" Sturgis asked. Harm was very close to emotional overload, and he knew why. It'd been too long that Harm had kept his feeling locked in, tucked away where no one could judge him, or hurt him. But he also knew, that if Mac's disappearance turned out to be related to their argument, it was important for them to know exactly what had happened, even if it meant talking about the hateful words the whole office had heard.  
  
"No, it was... well... I said some horrible things to her, and... "  
  
"Why, Harm?"  
  
"Because... I..." Harm stopped abruptly as he realized the things he was about to say, in front of his commanding officer, no less.   
  
AJ finally had enough of Harm's dismissive attitude. A million things went through his head while he tried to justify what he was about to do. Meddling in the lives of his subordinates had never been his MO, but Harm and Mac were not just officers under his command, they were friends, who had been there for him when he'd needed them as well. Finally convinced from his reasoning, he addressed the junior officer.  
  
"Harm, tell me the truth. Why? Why is it so hard for you two to get this right? Are you afraid of what would happen at JAG? Are you afraid she doesn't love you?"  
  
Harm sighed and spoke with frustration. In normal circumstances, this line of questioning from his CO would unnerve him. At the moment, however, all he could process was that Mac was missing, and somehow talking about her helped him feel her close. "I've spent the better part of our years together trying to protect her from myself" Harm uttered, knowing he'd have to explain himself.  
  
AJ and Sturgis simply looked at each other in surprise. "Why would you need to do that though? I mean, she's a grown woman, and if you two are as good friends as I think you are, then she should know what she's getting into, don't you think?" Sturgis tried to reason with him, but AJ just shook his head. He'd been around Harm and Mac way too long. He knew what Harm was getting at.   
  
Harm went on. "Like I said. It's complicated. Don't you think if it were as easy as you put it we'd be married with children by now? I mean, I am closer to 40 than I am to 30 Sturgis, and that's not something that brightens my days and keeps me warm at night."   
  
Frustration and a tad of desperation were starting to come through, and Sturgis quickly realized that maybe it wasn't as easy as he thought it was. These two souls had an impressive history of messing up, but it only seemed to strengthen the invisible bond they obviously shared.   
  
"Harm, haven't you two talked about this? At all?" AJ asked gently, not sure how to handle Harm too well in these types of situations.  
  
Harm sighed and once again buried his face in his hands. What was he supposed to tell him about? Australia? Her engagement party? The Indian Ocean? The Jagathon?   
  
"Admiral, every time we try to talk one of us messes it up. I like our relationship now. I can see her and talk to her every day. We have dinner over case files and we can joke around each other like before without hurting each other. At least we could right up until Commander Jackass made his appearance at JAG" Harm finished with disgust, and AJ had to fight to contain his laughter at Harm's name for Commander Jackson. He'd done the same to Bugme...uh... Brumby. Pulling himself together, AJ continued, knowing that Harm talking like this about his feelings was as likely as a rocket hitting the Earth and extinguishing the human race.   
  
AJ thought of questioning Harm about the obvious ass-kicking he'd handed Commander Jackson earlier at the office, but thought better of it. Judging by the things Harriet had related to him about the incident, he would've killed Jackson himself if he'd had the chance. Right now, Harm was on a roll, and he'd be damned if he didn't try to find out exactly what lay behind the officers' shielded personal relationship.  
  
"But don't you think it's worth it, I mean, to give it a shot..."  
  
Harm had enough. Why could no one understand him? With all the momentum of a frustrated 6'4" Naval Officer, he stood up in one swift motion and swung his long arms in the air conveying his annoyance.  
  
"Damn it, a shot at what? A shot at getting her in bed? A shot at fighting and arguing like cats and dogs like we did after I left to fly? A shot at the possibility that it might not work out and end up losing each other for good? No way. I don't want to... I will not risk losing my best friend because I can't act like an adult and keep my hormones under wraps." He finished plummeting into the big chair he'd occupied before his outburst and burying his face in his hands.   
  
Sturgis looked over flabbergasted at AJ, who merely shook his head in amazement. Sure, they knew Mac was special to Harm. They had been to hell and back for each other without a trace of hesitation. Personally, Sturgis had never seen anything like it. The sense of devotion towards Sarah Mackenzie that emanated from Harmon Rabb, Jr. was indescribable, and the situation looked the same from both sides of the equation. Sarah Mackenzie adored Harmon Rabb, Jr. and it was more than evident. Two people that were made exclusively to complement each other.   
  
"Harm...." Sturgis started hesitatingly. He was too intrigued by the dynamics of his two friends to stop his questioning now. Harm was obviously opening up, and he would bet his bubblehead six that Harm had never told Mac what he'd just said. Actually, he'd bet his bubblehead life that Harm hadn't figured this out until just now.   
  
Harm looked up at his two friends and smiled slightly. "I love her. God knows I can't live without her. I'm done denying and burying the way I feel. My life goes as far as hers, and my happiness depends solely on hers. It scares the hell out of me that I feel this way but..."  
  
"If you're done denying like you say, then why don't you just tell her you love her and get over your fears so you can both be happy?"  
  
"Obviously, you're forgetting that she's missing!!" Sturgis was taken aback by Harm's reaction, and simply waited for him to calm down.   
  
"I want to, but every time I try we end up like yesterday. Fighting. She's not just any woman. She's the one. We share things that most married couples only dream of. We finish each other's sentences. We read each other's thoughts. For God sakes, she found me in the ocean last year and God knows I heard her calling me the whole time I was out there fighting for my life. We're connected Sturgis, the day she dies, that'll be the day I die as well. Why can't you understand that this is NOT about having a girlfriend!"  
  
"Don't you think she deserves to know this? Don't you want it all with her if you love her as much as you do?"  
  
"I do love her. More than my own life, but it scares me. If we take our partnership to the next level and I end up losing her... I loved Diane, but it's not even close to what I feel for Mac. Mac is everything to me...I can't... I just can't take the chance..."   
  
"Harm, I understand you're afraid. But Harm, what if you don't lose her? What if you finally end up happier than you ever thought with her? Isn't it worth the try?"  
  
Harm sighed. "If we do get together and it does work... I mean..." Harm took a breath and looked up with troubled eyes. "How much closer can we get? How much more intense can this feelings get? People think we're married and in truth we haven't even slept together!"   
  
Calming down a little from his ranting, he looked down at his shoes and spoke softly. "I've been in love with her so long. I don't know how I could love her anymore than I already do. I just don't know if there's any more of me to give, and I'm scared I'm just not enough for her. Scared that I can't love her as much as she deserves."  
  
Silence fell among them as each tried to digest what Harm had just admitted to himself and his friends. AJ was astonished. Harm Rabb, Jr. was afraid of not being good enough. Similar thoughts had gone through his mind through the years, but he'd always believed it'd be Mac who'd be hesitant to start a relationship, given her past history with men. This outburst from Harm was a totally unexpected turn of events for both Sturgis and AJ, who, even if they'd deny it in a court of law, had been paying close attention to the developments in the Harm and Mac saga.   
  
A scene from the news on the TV caught AJ's attention and he motioned for Sturgis to turn up the volume.   
  
"Oh God, No!" Harm's cry started out as a whisper and ended as a desperate scream as he stood up and started towards the door. He didn't know what he would do, where he needed to go, what he needed to do. All he knew was that he had to get out, go somewhere, do something, not just sit there and feel sorry for himself. Just as he was reaching the door, his cell phone went off, and by some miracle he had the sense to answer it.   
  
"Rabb"   
  
"Harm, it's not her. Listen to me, Harm. The car they found wasn't Mac's"  
  
"Clay... are you sure...I mean..."  
  
"HARM! It's not her! I promise you"  
  
"T-thank you, Clay... I..."  
  
"We'll find her, Harm. I promise" and with that the CIA agent hung up, having effectively prevented Harm from doing God knows what.  
  
AJ stood up quickly to stand next to Harm as he spoke to Webb, while Sturgis' eyes were still fixed on the monitor, where second before they'd heard the news of a red corvette that had been run off the road. The owner was a female, early 30's, about 5'8, brown hair... but it wasn't Mac. It couldn't be her.   
  
"It's not her. God, it's not her" Harm kept repeating, over and over as he walked over to the couch to sit down before his knees gave out. Sturgis turned his eyes towards his friend. "Are you sure?"  
  
"Clay said it wasn't her. He said they checked the scene, it wasn't her" His words were coming out in a rush, and with every breath the sudden fear that had just invaded him started to diminish. However, she was still nowhere to be found. Clay had no leads yet, and that was definitely not good news.   
  
A few minutes passed before the three men regained their composure, and at once Harm's cell phone rang again, this time Harriet, asking the most obvious question, as she too had seen the news report. After assuring her that Mac wasn't involved in the accident, Harm sat back down and let his mind wander.   
  
"Where are you, Mac?" he whispered repeatedly, oblivious to AJ and Sturgis who were intently gazing at him, concern etched on their faces. Standing up, AJ walked over to the kitchen to get Harm a glass of water, and Sturgis followed.  
  
"Sir, what do you really think?"  
  
"Sturgis, if Mac doesn't make it out of this, I'll be looking for two new lawyers." Sturgis simply nodded. Harm's earlier display of emotions was more than enough for them to realize the truth. Harm had said it himself. His life went as far as Mac's. If she didn't make it, Harm would stop living as well.   
  
  
TBC 


	6. Chapter 6

DEEP TALK  
  
  
Authors: Damngunnyshot and LeE  
  
Classification: Romance, Some Humor H/M   
  
Disclaimers: JAG doesn't belong to us. It belongs to DPB and CBS. We were just having some fun...   
  
A.N. from Shannon: When Lilly suggested writing a story together, I figured 'oh sure, that'll be fun. Lilly's a great writer. Shouldn't take us too long'. Two outta three ain't bad, right? It *was* fun and you *are* a great writer, and I would like to thank you for being a great co-author! Your humour has gotten me through this experience and it has been a pleasure to work with you. You, the readers, may notice inconsistencies with spellings of certain words. This used to be a direct result of an American (Lilly) co-authoring with a Canadian (me), although I think I'm rubbing off on her-she's starting to spell like a Canadian :-) LOL!!  
  
A.N. from Lilly: Well, what a ride huh Shannon? We certainly had fun writing this, and you're right: it *was* fun, and it *did* take us longer than we expected, but hey! We got it done! :) I guess with both of us being beta readers as well as writers, it was bound to take a little longer...:) Well, if it were for me, this story would've been 1,000 pages long, so I know for a fact we never would've gotten all the ideas in paper had it not been for my great co-author that always kept us on the right track when the ideas were flying everywhere. Thanks Shannon!! As for my "inconsistencies" in spelling, well I can neither confirm nor deny that rumour (rumor?) LOL...   
  
Feedback: If you feel inclined to do so, please send feedback to Lilly at lee_81881@yahoo.com or to Shannon at damngunnyshot@yahoo.com Thanks!   
  
  
  
  
AN 2: Well, guys. Shannon and I agreed not to post yesterday as we agreed that there were other things that deserved our attention in a day of remembrance like 9/11. So, because of this, we've agreed to post two parts today. Part 7 will follow later on today. Enjoy....  
  
  
*FROM PART 5*  
  
"Where are you, Mac?" he whispered repeatedly, oblivious to AJ and Sturgis who were intently gazing at him, concern etched on their faces. Standing up, AJ walked over to the kitchen to get Harm a glass of water, and Sturgis followed.  
  
"Sir, what do you really think?"  
  
"Sturgis, if Mac doesn't make it out of this, I'll be looking for two new lawyers." Sturgis simply nodded. Harm's earlier display of emotions was more than enough for them to realize the truth. Harm had said it himself. His life went as far as Mac's. If she didn't make it, Harm would stop living as well.   
  
PART 6  
  
THURSDAY MORNING  
JAG HEADQUARTERS  
  
Harm was frantic. He had virtually no sleep since Monday and it showed in his sunken eyes and sallow complexion. Almost twenty years of naval service had kept him from forgetting to shave and groom before going in to JAG; it was an automatic reflex to do so. He ignored the looks of concern from his co-workers and dragged his sorry six into his office for another day of pretending to care about work.   
  
He checked in again with Webb, only to hear yet again that Webb had no more information than Harm. He called Leavenworth again, knowing what the answer would be. How bizarre for Mac to disappear without a trace. No note, no phone call, no ransom or other demands, no clue, no luck. Harm pushed the papers around on his desk, remembering back to his favourite moments with Mac: the day they met; her determination to support him in his effort to find his father and her support when he did; the first time he held her in his arms at a ball; each of the three times he'd felt her lips on his, Norfolk, the Admiral's porch and under the Roberts' mistletoe; watching her kick his Navy six around in the Courtroom; and his favourite memory, making The Deal. He thought back to Baby AJ's birth and did the math. "Two more years, Marine, less than two years. But you have to come back first."  
  
"Two more years until what, Harm?"  
  
The familiar voice, husky and feminine at the same time, caused Harm to whip his head up. Before him stood the object of his fantasies. He pushed back from his desk, causing his chair to turn over, and practically jumped over the desk to wrap her in his arms. "Sarah, oh God I've been worried about you. Where have you been? Are you ok? Let me see..."  
  
Mac had no idea what Harm was talking about but she enjoyed the feeling of being in his arms. She had noticed the strange looks everyone had given her on her way in and thought 'what, a person can't be late once in 6 or 7 years?' Those looks and Harm's reaction set off something in her mind. She shuffled Harm into his office and closed the door behind them. "Harm, not that I'm not glad that you're happy to see me, but what's going on? It was just wisdom teeth!"  
  
With a hand on each of Mac's shoulders, Harm pulled away from her. "Wisdom teeth?! But. But. Mac, what, do you, we've, I've-wisdom teeth?" He picked up the phone and hit the Admiral's extension. "Sir, she's here. Yes, in my office. She seems to be fine, Sir. Aye aye Sir."  
  
He turned to Mac. "Do you have any idea how worried we've all been?" Before Mac had a chance to comment any further AJ burst through the door with Sturgis right behind him.   
  
"Colonel, do you realize that you are about an hour away from being reported UA? Explain yourself Colonel, and make it good. I don't appreciate my Chief of Staff just flitting off on her own and leaving the rest of my office in shambles." AJ boomed, trying to hide his personal concern by pointing to her military duties.  
  
Mac snapped to attention. "Sir! I had emergency oral surgery on Tuesday morning to remove my bottom wisdom teeth. It was suggested to me by the oral surgeon to stay home on Wednesday as well to deal with the pain and swelling. Sir!"  
  
Harm couldn't stay silent any longer. "Well, damn it Mac, ET phoned home, why the hell couldn't you?!"  
  
Using his SEAL training to stifle his laughter at Harm's comment, AJ carried on. "The Commander has a good point, Mac. Why didn't you call in?"  
  
"Sir, I did call in. I left a message with Tiner first thing Tuesday morning letting him know I would be in emergency surgery and that I'd be staying at a friend's house on Wednesday. I even left the number where I could be reached, since my cell phone wasn't working." Mac stood at attention and stared at the wall past them.   
  
Harm was exasperated, and truthfully, a little angry at Mac. Why hadn't she called him? Who drove her from the hospital back home after the surgery? Who had taken care of her? A friend from law school? What friend? Male or female? Darting his eyes back towards Mac, the memory of their last conversation-or should he say fight- came back to him, he quickly realized why she hadn't called, why she hadn't wanted him around. Guilt. Lately, it was like that was the only emotion he was allowed to feel.   
  
"Mac, why didn't you call me?" He asked, lowering his voice. The Admiral was there, but after he had blurted out his inner most intimate feelings about Mac to his commanding officer a few nights back, well, he really wasn't all that concerned about the Admiral finding anything out. Mac, who was still standing at attention, was simply thunderstruck. Harm knew why she hadn't called him, he had to know after the awful debacle at the office on Monday.  
  
"Why didn't I call you?" she stated, and watched as the Admiral averted his eyes and pretended not to know what was going on as he mumbled an "at ease" to her.   
  
"Yes, Mac. Why didn't you tell *me*?" This time, he couldn't keep the hurt from clearly showing in his tone. Opening and closing her mouth a few times, she tried to come up with something to say, but there were other people in the room. Why would Harm want to get into it right then and there? He continued, oblivious to her apprehension.   
  
"Mac, I know we had a pretty bad argument the other day, but..."  
  
"Harm, you look like hell" she exclaimed, her eyes going wider still as she took in his appearance. The Admiral shook his head and Sturgis simply smiled knowingly. Harm and Mac were some spectacle. The world could be crumbling before their very eyes, but their concern for each other always came first.   
  
"What? What do you mean I... well, I didn't shave today, and maybe I... oh hell... I was just so worried about you" he finished quickly and scooped her up in his arms once again. Relaxing in his embrace, she prayed they could get past the horrible words they'd said to each other, and finally get it right.   
  
The Admiral and Sturgis simply looked on, with content smiles on their faces. Realizing it was neither the time nor place for the new lovebirds to declare undying love to each other, Sturgis made his presence known by calling Tiner's extension. "Petty Officer Tiner, would you please join us in Commander Rabb's office for a moment. Thank you." He turned to the others in the office. "I think we can clear this up very quickly after all. Colonel, I think I speak for all of us when I say that it is a relief to see you here unharmed. Ah, Tiner, please come in. We understand that you took a message from Colonel Mackenzie on Tuesday morning."  
  
Tiner confirmed that he had in fact taken a message from Mac and that message had gone into the Admiral's urgent mail pile which he had delivered to the Admiral immediately after the staff meeting.   
  
"Tiner, I didn't receive that message. Are you sure it was in that pile?" AJ asked.  
  
"Yessir. The message was between Lt. Singer's fitness rep and Commander Jackson's transfer papers."  
  
"Talk about being in the depths of hell. No wonder it disappeared," mumbled Harm.  
  
Tiner smirked before continuing. "Pink message slip, sir, same as always. I made sure it was in your office before I left for the day." Tiner's memory for filing and paperwork was nearly flawless and AJ had no reason to doubt his memory in this case. After his doctor's appointment on Tuesday, Tiner had requested to have Wednesday off to go visit his grandmother who was very ill. The Admiral had granted his request, thinking that with Harriet in the office, and the lighter case load of the week it shouldn't be a problem.   
  
"Very well, Tiner. Thank you." he said. Dismissed, Tiner left Harm's crowded office with a sigh of relief.   
  
AJ sighed. " Well I know I didn't receive the message and I have no doubt that Tiner left the message where he said it was. Somehow the message didn't get to me. Colonel, given these circumstances and the fact that you are okay, I will choose to ignore this incident. However, it would be appreciated if you would leave a voice mail or email in the future."  
  
"Aye aye Sir" Mac replied. After AJ and Sturgis had satisfied themselves that Mac was indeed all right after her surgery, they left Harm and Mac in the office together. She knew that she needed to start making amends.  
  
"Harm, look. I'm really sorry about the things I said to you on Monday. They were just mean and I had no right to say anything like that to you, of all people. I've been really upset with myself since that day because I'd be lost without you in my life in some shape or form and I'm afraid that I've messed it up permanently and I only hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me." She looked up at Harm with large brown eyes and Harm fell in love with her all over again. He was helpless against those eyes and he knew that he would spend the rest of his life giving in to them. . But he was okay with that thought. Actually, it pleased him to think it.  
  
"Aww, Mac, I'm sorry too. I said some truly nasty things to you too that I had no business saying. I'm just glad that you're safe."  
  
"Harm--"   
  
He looked in Mac's eyes once again and saw the pleading in their depths. He realized that she needed to hear the words. "Sarah, I forgive you. Will you forgive me?" She nodded as she buried her face in his chest and mumbled "Hallmark moment number 428" making him laugh. "Oh Sarah, I do love you."  
  
Stunned, Mac pulled her head away from Harm's chest. Afraid to look up and afraid to not look, she stood there staring at his broad chest wrapped in her favourite Navy uniform, the summer whites.   
  
Harm, too was stunned at his revelation. As he stood there, looking down at her, his heart swelled with joy, even when his head was telling him he'd made the biggest mistake of his life. Listening to the conflicting opinions of his heart and mind had never felt like such a huge burden before. But now, with the love of his life so close, physically and emotionally, he could do nothing but let his heart finally get the last word. Somewhere in his mind, the words he'd said to Sturgis and the Admiral echoed. Somewhere in his dazed mind he knew there had to be a rational way to back pedal, to go back on his words, on his actions. However, he also knew, by experience, that all the reason in the world would never keep him warm at night. He knew that all the rules and regulations were not reasons, they were excuses. And finally, for the first time in his life, it was completely clear to him what he wanted; what he needed; Sarah Mackenzie.   
  
Quickly, he realized that the hard part was over and that it really hadn't been that hard after all. Caressing Mac's chin, he put his forefinger underneath her chin and nudged it up so he could see her eyes. "Baby, I'm serious. I know it's neither the time nor the place, but I do love you. I always have and I always will. I won't spout off cheesy lines like you complete me or you're the jelly to my peanut butter, but you *are* the single most important part of my life, bar none. I have done nothing but harass Webb the last couple of days. I've requested adjournments on all of my applications. My reports are behind. I'm afraid to add up the number of emails and voice mails I've accumulated. But you're safe so the rest doesn't matter." After hearing him call her "baby" she'd tried to concentrate on everything else he'd said.   
  
"I don't know what to say, Harm. It almost sounds to me like I have my answer from the Guadalcanal. You said some things to me on Monday that were true, though. You said that I should learn to love myself enough to be honest to the men in my life and to myself. You were right, Harm. I didn't think enough of myself to send Mic on his way, or even Dalton. But I've learned a lot in the past year Harm, and the biggest thing I've learned is I DO deserve to have someone who will love me and respect me unconditionally. I deserve to have someone who will allow me to share my life with him while maintaining my own identity. It's taken me many years to figure it out but I DO deserve you, Harm."   
  
Harm looked into her brown eyes and said nothing. Mac looked into his green eyes and said nothing. Just as she was going to turn away, Harm leaned past her and flicked the blinds closed. "I love you Ninja Girl" was all he said before he touched his lips to hers. "I love you Flyboy" she said as she leaned in for more.  
  
Tempting as the idea was to just run away from JAG and spend the entire day together kissing and holding each other, Mac and Harm pulled themselves apart. Harm opened the blinds to his office again so that Lieutenant Busybody wouldn't have any ammunition against them. Noting that Singer was marked on the main board as 'out' he asked Mac for a lunch date. What he didn't realize was that Lieutenant Singer wasn't the only set of ears he needed to concern himself with.  
  
JUST BEFORE LUNCH  
SAME DAY  
  
Mac was so intent on her work that she didn't notice the shadow fall across her desk as someone filled her doorway. She didn't feel the intense gaze piercing into her, at least, not at first. Finally, her conscious listened to her screaming subconscious and she looked up at the person who was studying her. "Hi. Can I help you?" she said.  
  
"I'm just wondering if we're still on for lunch" he said with an enormous grin.   
  
"I don't recall that we had made plans, Commander. I'm sorry, but I won't be able to join you today. Perhaps another time."  
  
"Oh but we did have plans, Mac. Remember? I love you, Flyboy? Lunch at Beltway? Ringing any bells yet Ninja Girl? Maybe we can go flying in my biplane afterwards. Did I ever tell you I have a Stearman? Just got it a few years ago. It's yellow."  
  
"Mac, is everything ok?" Harm shoved his way into Mac's office. He saw the colour draining from her beautiful face and that concerned him.   
  
"Come on Mac, time's a wasting." Jackson continued, ignoring Harm's presence completely.   
  
Mac looked at Harm, her eyes pleading with him. "Harm, I-"  
  
"Damn you, Mac, I said LET'S GO!" Jackson yelled. Harm got really annoyed then and turned to the doorway. No one yelled at Mac. No one. "Back off, Commander," he said.  
  
"Listen, Rabb, I have a lunch date with my best friend here, so if you'll excuse me we have to go. There's some vegetables and dead cow waiting for us. For the last time, Mac, get a move on. If I have to tell you one more time you'll be sorry."  
  
Harm had had enough. "No, YOU listen, Jackass. I don't know what sort of sick game you're playing here, but game over."  
  
"Who's playing games? Hey, look, I gotta run. I'm buying a plane and I want to go and look her over before I put the money down. Catch y'all later!" With that strange turnaround, Jackson turned and left.   
  
Harm turned to Mac with a disturbed expression. "What was that about?" he asked her as they left her office for lunch.   
  
"I don't know, Harm, it's almost like he thought-. Never mind, it's silly. But I do think he overheard us in your office earlier." The thoughts running through her mind gave her the creeps and she felt a chill run up her spine.   
  
"Mac? What do you think he thought?" Harm pressed her, while thinking 'Great, now I sound like that Phoebe girl'  
  
The elevator dinged its arrival and opened its doors. Harm placed his hand on Mac's lower back as they got on. Once the doors closed, his hand went to her other side and pulled her in close. "Hold that thought for a minute" he said as he leaned in to kiss her. Mac didn't know whether it was the movement of the elevator or Harm's tongue that made her feel weak-kneed as the doors slid open on the main floor, but she smiled to herself as she decided it was definitely Harm. 'Wonder how weak-kneed I'll be when he uses his tongue elsewhere' she thought before answering Harm's original question.   
  
"It sounds kind of silly, Harm, but I get the impression that the Commander wishes he was you. He used words that you said to me in your office, he even used the same voice inflections that you use. If I hadn't looked up to see him, I might have thought that he was you, with a sore throat or something." Having said that, she looked up at her handsome partner and plastered a Cheshire sized grin on her face. "And if I've said it once I'll say it again, the world can't handle more than one Harmon Rabb Jr.!"   
  
Pleased at the sight of a genuine smile gracing Mac's features, Harm couldn't help but to laugh along with her. "The world or you?"  
  
Mac came back with a snicker and said "I'm a Marine, Harm. I can handle it. It's the rest of the world I'm worried about."   
  
  
TBC 


	7. Chapter 7

DEEP TALK 7/10  
  
  
Authors: Damngunnyshot and LeE  
  
Classification: Romance, Some Humor H/M   
  
Disclaimers: JAG doesn't belong to us. It belongs to DPB and CBS. We were just having some fun...   
  
A.N. from Shannon: When Lilly suggested writing a story together, I figured 'oh sure, that'll be fun. Lilly's a great writer. Shouldn't take us too long'. Two outta three ain't bad, right? It *was* fun and you *are* a great writer, and I would like to thank you for being a great co-author! Your humour has gotten me through this experience and it has been a pleasure to work with you. You, the readers, may notice inconsistencies with spellings of certain words. This used to be a direct result of an American (Lilly) co-authoring with a Canadian (me), although I think I'm rubbing off on her-she's starting to spell like a Canadian :-) LOL!!  
  
A.N. from Lilly: Well, what a ride huh Shannon? We certainly had fun writing this, and you're right: it *was* fun, and it *did* take us longer than we expected, but hey! We got it done! :) I guess with both of us being beta readers as well as writers, it was bound to take a little longer...:) Well, if it were for me, this story would've been 1,000 pages long, so I know for a fact we never would've gotten all the ideas in paper had it not been for my great co-author that always kept us on the right track when the ideas were flying everywhere. Thanks Shannon!! As for my "inconsistencies" in spelling, well I can neither confirm nor deny that rumour (rumor?) LOL...   
  
Feedback: If you feel inclined to do so, please send feedback to Lilly at lee_81881@yahoo.com or to Shannon at damngunnyshot@yahoo.com Thanks!   
  
  
AN2: There is an NC-17 version available for this story. If you'd like to read it, e-mail me at lee_81881@yahoo.com with an age statement confirming you're 18 or older, or you can access it at the yahoo lists "shipperhm" or "jaghm" ... Enjoy..  
  
FROM PART 6  
  
"It sounds kind of silly, Harm, but I get the impression that the Commander wishes he was you. He used words that you said to me in your office, he even used the same voice inflections that you use. If I hadn't looked up to see him, I might have thought that he was you, with a sore throat or something." Having said that, she looked up at her handsome partner and plastered a Cheshire sized grin on her face. "And if I've said it once I'll say it again, the world can't handle more than one Harmon Rabb Jr.!"   
  
Pleased at the sight of a genuine smile gracing Mac's features, Harm couldn't help but to laugh along with her. "The world or you?"  
  
Mac came back with a snicker and said "I'm a Marine, Harm. I can handle it. It's the rest of the world I'm worried about."   
  
PART 7  
  
HARM'S APARTMENT  
NORTH OF UNION STATION  
THURSDAY EVENING  
  
The smooth leather couch made a familiar noise as Harm gently shifted to settle more comfortably with his Marine in his arms. Mac offered a happy sigh as she felt Harm's body cradle her own in an intimate embrace. They fit so perfectly together, and it seemed they'd been like that for years.   
  
"Harm?"  
  
"What is it, honey?" Mac smiled at his words. She'd never let anyone she'd been with call her anything like that. The closest had been Mic, and how it annoyed her when he called her "luv". But now, coming from Harm, it was music to her ears. Good music.   
  
"Harm, didn't you notice how Sturgis and the Admiral were acting this morning? And you! You were ready to talk everything out at the office, right in front of our CO. What gives, flyboy?" At once she felt the tension invade his body, and she frowned as he attempted to speak.  
  
"Uhh, well, you see..." Harm took a long deep breath and figured he might as well tell her the whole story before Sturgis did. "Mac, Tuesday night, when we couldn't find you, I was a wreck. The Admiral had Sturgis and I over at his house, and we went over your recent case files, old cases, trying to find suspects, anything to try and find you."  
  
"Oh, Harm, I'm so sorry I didn't..."  
  
"Shh.. let me finish, please" she nodded and he continued "Well, while we were there, Sturgis and the Admiral apparently were in a chatty mood, and I was so tired and so worried about you, I didn't even know what I was saying. All I heard was how you could be lost to me forever and I would never have the chance to tell you I loved you, to hold you, to make love to you..."  
  
"You told them? All that?" Mac asked amazed at the information she was learning about the events during her absence.   
  
"Well, kind of. See, they kept asking why we'd never talked, why I'd never told you, what was wrong with me, with us, and I just didn't want to go lying to our CO about the true reason why Bud came back from Australia with a wired jaw, so I just spilled it, Mac. I told them I loved you, and, well..."  
  
"So, the Admiral knows? And Sturgis?" Mac suddenly gasped "Did Sturgis tell you anything? About me? I mean..."  
  
"No, he just said that you deserved to know about my feelings and... wait, what would Sturgis tell me?"  
  
"Uhh, well, I blurted out to him a few months back that I was in love with you" Mac finished and buried her face in his chest, suddenly embarrassed at the admission.   
  
"All this time he knew and didn't tell me. You just wait 'til I see him, we'll have a little talk him and me" Harm teased and laughed as he saw Mac start to protest until she figured out he was pulling her chain.   
  
"I love you" he said sincerely and bent down to place a soft kiss on her lips. Smiling, they broke apart, and once again Mac snuggled deep into her Sailor's arms. Long minutes passed, and they seemed to be simply enjoying finally being together. But even through the perfection of the moment, Harm's fears of a relationship with Mac were still there, bubbling, threatening to overtake him once again.   
  
"I'm so sorry, Mac" Startled at the tone in his voice Mac looked up at him, piercing him with those soft brown eyes he loved so much.   
  
"What are you sorry for, Harm? I think we already settled that the fight on Monday was both of us, and not just you..."  
  
"No Mac, it's not that. It's... I... I went looking for you on Tuesday. It was after lunch time, and there was no sign of you, and we had fought the day before and I didn't check on you and..." Mac stopped him with a gentle hand to his cheek, and turning all the way in his embrace, she faced him, her gaze soothing him while reminding him of all the past week's events.   
  
"Harm, breathe and tell me what happened"  
  
"Mac, I... I went to your apartment, and then well... I... looked for you at McMurphy's... I... well, I didn't know and... I had to check, I had to make sure you weren't... well..."  
  
Mac smiled tenderly at him, but not before the hurt flashed in her eyes. Harm was grateful for her smile, and he knew she understood why he'd done it, but he'd also seen the pain in her eyes.   
  
"Harm, it's okay..."  
  
"No Mac, it's not okay. I... the last thing I want to do is hurt you by doubting you. Mac, that's the only reason it took me so long to tell you, that's why it took thinking I'd lost you for me to finally realize that I well... I was just afraid Mac. I still am...."  
  
"What are you afraid of Harm? That I'll go back to the bottle every time we have a disagreement?" The last thing she wanted to do was let him see how much his doubts affected her, how she felt untrustworthy.  
  
"No! No, that's not it at all. Mac, I don't want to hurt you, but I'm afraid I can't stop myself from doing just that. I love you, Sarah. I've loved you for so long now and yet I've still managed to cause you so much pain. I'm afraid I just don't know how to love you any better." The sadness in his beautiful voice tore at her heart, and at once she knew that in spite of his imperfections, his faults, and his fears, the day would never come when he didn't love her with all he had.  
  
The first tones of the song fluttered across the room as Mac looked deep into Harm's captivating eyes, amazed at the love and devotion she found in them. "Dance with me, Harm" she uttered softly as she stood up and pulled him with her. Immediately, Harm's arms reached for her, and she indulged in the amazing sensations being in his strong embrace evoked.   
  
"Mac...Sarah..."  
  
"Shhh..." she whispered, a soft finger to his lips silenced him "Just listen" and closing their eyes, they both swayed to the music as the feeling of complete contentment washed over them.   
  
I've never been so certain, I've never been so sure  
We're on the side of angels, if we believe this love is pure.  
Is it so hard to trust it, 'cause we've been wrong before?  
There comes a time in every life, we find the heart we're waiting for.  
  
After all the might-have-beens  
The close and distant calls.  
After all the try-agains  
Don't be afraid to fall.  
We're on the side of angels, after all.  
  
Harm tightened his hold on her, feeling she might vanish if he let her loose even a little. A million things had been racing thorough his mind just seconds before, but now, with the woman he loved in his arms, he finally felt whole, he finally felt complete. God help him, but if he'd ever been sure of anything, it was that he couldn't let her go. Not after this moments of pure heaven in her arms.  
  
Every time you touch me,   
don't you feel it too?  
The gentle hand that's guiding us,  
You to me, me to you.  
  
After all the might-have-beens  
The close and distant calls.  
After all the try-agains  
Don't be afraid to fall.  
We're on the side of angels, after all.  
  
This time was different. Mac was not Diane, Annie, Jordan, or Renee. They were meant to be together. They were soulmates. So many years of fears and hesitation, and with one song and an 'I love you' from the woman he loved the walls around his heart began to finally crumble.   
  
Pulling back from him, she took his face in her hands, tenderly caressing his jaw line with her nose. "I don't need you to love me any better. Just love me, Harm. Don't be afraid. I'm not afraid...not anymore" Mac whispered, tears welling up in her eyes as she looked up at him and was surprised to find his gorgeous aquamarine eyes threatening to spill down his cheeks.   
  
"Sarah, I..." He was trying desperately to make her understand, grasping at words and thoughts that fluttered around in his brain, but nothing came out.   
  
"Harm, we've both made mistakes, and because of those mistakes we've fought, and cried, and hurt a lot the past few years. But Harm, we're human and we'll always mess up. Love doesn't make the mistakes go away, but it makes them part of our past. I don't want a perfect Harmon Rabb. I love you just the way you are, and all I'm asking is for the same in return." Gently tightening her hold on his face, her bright brown eyes pleaded with him "Please, Harm. Don't be afraid anymore."  
  
The softness of her touch, the acceptance in her words, the love in her eyes, it was all too much for him and he crushed her to him once more, leaving her little room to breathe as he buried his head in her neck, kissing repeatedly the soft skin and indulging in the scent that was strictly hers.   
  
"I'll try my best, sweetheart. I promise you, I'll try... I love you, Sarah."  
  
"That's all I need, Harm. That's all I've ever wanted."  
  
Harm simply nodded, words escaping him as he memorized the feel of her in his arms. Long minutes passed and his hold on her hadn't loosened. The gentle glow of the lighting coupled with the moonlight peering in through the window seemed to cast the spell on the two colleagues, best friends, and soon to be lovers. Those lips that had been instrumental in their battles in court, essential in those conversations that always ended in vast misunderstandings... those same lips were now aiding, helping to form trails of soft butterfly kisses along the base of her neck.  
  
Gently, Harm moved his big hands down to caress her the way he'd always dreamed of, while his low husky voice invaded her ears as he explored every uncovered inch of her delightful skin. Time stretched as they took the time to revel in the feel of each other's bodies, the time to commit these first touches, these first intimate motions to memory.   
  
"Oh, Sarah..." and Harm just couldn't seem to stop whispering, calling her, and consequently, Mac couldn't stop the trembling in her entire body every time he spoke her name.   
  
**********  
  
Some time later, they lay together, after following each other into the world of loving pleasure they'd created.   
  
"Harm, promise you'll let me love you forever" Mac whispered against his neck, minutes after their worlds had merged into one.   
  
Reaching her angelic face with a hand he traced her features with a gentleness he never knew he was capable of. "I promise. I'll love you forever, Sarah" and offering a bright contented smile, she claimed his lips once more, trying to figure out how she'd gone so long without having him this way. Minutes later, nestled in his strong protective arms, Mac gave into the peaceful slumber, knowing this perfect night was the start of their future... together.   
  
  
TBC 


	8. Chapter 8

DEEP TALK 8/10  
  
  
Authors: Damngunnyshot and LeE  
  
Classification: Romance, Some Humor H/M   
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimers: JAG doesn't belong to us. It belongs to DPB and CBS. We were just having some fun...   
  
A.N. from Shannon: When Lilly suggested writing a story together, I figured 'oh sure, that'll be fun. Lilly's a great writer. Shouldn't take us too long'. Two outta three ain't bad, right? It *was* fun and you *are* a great writer, and I would like to thank you for being a great co-author! Your humour has gotten me through this experience and it has been a pleasure to work with you. You, the readers, may notice inconsistencies with spellings of certain words. This used to be a direct result of an American (Lilly) co-authoring with a Canadian (me), although I think I'm rubbing off on her-she's starting to spell like a Canadian :-) LOL!!  
  
A.N. from Lilly: Well, what a ride huh Shannon? We certainly had fun writing this, and you're right: it *was* fun, and it *did* take us longer than we expected, but hey! We got it done! :) I guess with both of us being beta readers as well as writers, it was bound to take a little longer...:) Well, if it were for me, this story would've been 1,000 pages long, so I know for a fact we never would've gotten all the ideas in paper had it not been for my great co-author that always kept us on the right track when the ideas were flying everywhere. Thanks Shannon!! As for my "inconsistencies" in spelling, well I can neither confirm nor deny that rumour (rumor?) LOL...   
  
Feedback: If you feel inclined to do so, please send feedback to Lilly at lee_81881@yahoo.com or to Shannon at damngunnyshot@yahoo.com Thanks!  
  
  
*FROM PART 7*  
  
"Harm, promise you'll let me love you forever" Mac whispered against his neck, as he still rested hidden deep inside her minutes after their worlds had merged into one.   
  
Reaching her angelic face with a hand he traced her features with a gentleness he never knew he was capable of. "I promise. I'll love you forever, Sarah" and offering bright smile, she claimed his lips once more, trying to figure out how she'd gone so long without having him this way.  
  
PART 8  
  
NEXT DAY  
JAG HQ  
ADMIRAL'S OFFICE  
  
"I trust that whatever the cause for your disagreement earlier this week it has already been resolved and put to rest?" the Admiral spoke in a stern tone, while fighting to keep the smile from invading his lips.  
  
"Yes, Sir" they both answered in unison.  
  
"Very well, then. Oh and one more thing on this topic. Whatever it is, I don't want to hear about it at the office until there's a huge sparkly rock on the Colonel's left finger. Don't go messing with me sporting friendship rings on the right hand people, is that understood?"  
  
Harm and Mac smiled at each other and then turned towards their CO and friend. "Understood, Sir"   
  
"Very well. Now, I wanted to ask you both. Have you noticed any unusual behavior from Commander Jackson?"   
  
Harm and Mac exchanged a long glance and warily turned their attention back. Harm simply nodded and Mac started on with her explanation of the events of the previous day at her office, where Jackson had all but yelled at her demanding that she go to lunch with him, talking about them being best friends, beltway burgers and at the mention of Harm's nickname for Mac the Admiral just raised an eyebrow while Mac blushed and Harm simply smiled smugly, proud of having chosen the nickname that fit her so well.  
  
"Doesn't this smell funny to you?" the Admiral, having already formed some scenarios in his head, as he had noticed Jackson drive into head quarters that morning, late, and driving a Lexus SUV identical to that of Harm's.   
  
"It does, Sir. I even suggested to Harm that he might be a little jealous of him, that he's just trying to imitate Harm, for some reason, that he wants to be just like him. I don't know, Sir. It's just that his behaviour yesterday was just way out of the ordinary"  
  
"I agree, Colonel. Why don't you two keep an eye on things and get back to me this afternoon. We'll take it from there"  
  
"Yes, Sir" once again answered in unison and as they turned to leave the Admiral's voice stopped them.   
  
"I'm very happy for you two. Don't make me regret this as your CO"   
  
"We won't, Sir. Thank you, Sir"   
  
"Dismissed"  
  
Once they were safely out in the bullpen they headed towards Mac's office, and after closing the door and shutting the blinds, Harm pulled her against him and proceeded to kiss the breath out of his Marine.   
  
"Jesus, Navy..."  
  
"Uh huh" was all Harm could mutter as he too attempted to catch his breath. Releasing her with a last tender kiss to her lips, he watched as she rounded her desk and took a seat behind it.   
  
"Hey, I need some coffee, you want some?" Mac nodded and smiled gratefully, the effects of his last kiss still inhibiting her speech ability. With a smile and a wink Harm made his way out towards the break room, and that's when Commander Jackson took his chance.   
  
"Hello, Ninja Girl" Jackson said from the doorway, loud enough to elicit a surprised gasp from Harriet who was passing by at the moment.   
  
"Commander, where exactly did you hear that name?" That was the second time in two days that Commander Jackson had called her Ninja Girl, and it was annoying to say the least.  
  
"Oh, you know, Mac. I've always called you that" In truth, Jackson had heard Harm call her that the day before after she had returned to JAG. He had listened to most of their conversation at the office after Sturgis and the Admiral had left them alone.   
  
"Commander, I'm asking you politely to *stop* calling me by anything other than Colonel Mackenzie. Understood?"  
  
"Oh, I see you're playing with me. Well, maybe the news I have for you will brighten your day. What do you say we head for Russia this afternoon?"  
  
"What?" Mac's eyebrows shot up and a chill ran through her body as she registered his words.   
  
"Russia. We can spend the weekend there and come back late on Monday. I'm sure the Admiral won't mind giving us the day off."  
  
"Are you out of your mind?"  
  
"Come on, Mac. I even arranged for a nice ride in a MIG for you and I, what do you say?" Jackson was standing there, with his hands crossed in front and smiling that annoying smile that had chilled her to the bone the day before.   
  
"What's going on here?" Harm asked, trying not to sound annoyed as he entered Mac's office, pushing his way through once again to get to Mac.   
  
"Uh, Harm... the Commander here..."  
  
"Mac and I are going to Russia. We're leaving this afternoon." The assuredness in Jackson's voice caught Harm off guard and his knuckles went white around the two cups of coffee he held in his hands. Turning quickly he stole a glance at Mac, and seeing the fear and apprehension in her eyes he quickly set the coffee on her desk and went around it to stand behind her.   
  
"Listen, Jackass. I'm only going to tell you this once more..."  
  
"Jackson. My name is Jackson, and..." he stopped suddenly, and Harm and Mac watched in amazement as his facial expressions changed from smugness, to confusion, to fear, and finally to sadness. By the time he was done with his tirade, Harm and Mac were so stunned by his words that neither attempted to stop him as he flew out of the office, leaving Harm and Mac startled. The truth was, he hadn't committed a crime, they couldn't arrest him or anything, but they sure as hell wanted to know what was going on and why.   
  
"Harm..."  
  
"I don't know, Mac. I just don't know"  
  
"Let's go talk to the Admiral, shall we? And once we're done I think it might be a good idea to get in touch with our friendly neighbourhood spook."  
  
"Agreed. After you"  
  
Some time later, Harm and Mac exited the Admiral's office, and passing by Jackson's office, they both looked confused as the new Commander lifted his gaze and waved at them, as if nothing had happened earlier. Now the situation was getting way too weird, and frankly a little scary. Agreeing to follow on with the Admiral's suggestions, they decided to just head on home and rest for the weekend. They'd deal with Commander Jackass on Monday. No way was he going to ruin their first weekend together, and boy did they have good stuff planned.   
  
FRIDAY NIGHT  
1943 EST  
  
Friday night found Mac and Harm stopping in at Blockbuster to pick up a couple of DVDs. They agreed on We Were Soldiers, but couldn't agree on the second one. Mac wanted to see A Beautiful Mind but Harm wanted to watch Collateral Damage.   
  
Finally, after standing in the aisle for 20 minutes debating the strengths and weaknesses of each movie, they were interrupted.   
  
"A beautiful woman should be watching A Beautiful Mind. Let's get that one, shall we? Come along, Sarah."  
  
Mac and Harm both whirled around to see Jackson. He was standing very close to Mac and had four copies of the DVD she wanted to rent. His expression was distant and haunted. He looked down at Mac with an intense look that gave her shivers up and down her spine. She shuddered visibly, which served only to annoy Harm even more. Before Harm could do or say anything, Jackson continued.  
  
"Sarah, my love. You are so incredibly beautiful. I can't wait to have a little boy with your looks and my brains." He reached his hand out to caress her face but was stopped by a very upset Harm, who lowered his voice.  
  
"Hey, Whacko Jacko, I'm only gonna tell you once to get lost. I don't want to see you within five feet of Mac again, got it?"  
  
"Harm," Mac tried to end the confrontation before it could get ugly. "Let's just go, ok? I only want to see one movie tonight anyway. Please don't do this, not here, not now." Her eyes begged Harm to go with her. Seeing Mac plead calmed Harm enough to try to make a quiet exit. He placed his hand gently on Mac's back and escorted her to the check out.   
  
"But wait, Sarah! My mother and stepfather are coming from La Jolla tonight and I want her to meet you. And tomorrow we're going to Pennsylvania to see Grams. You'll like her. She's nice. Her name is Sarah too. She helped me when I crashed. She's my dad's mom. I miss my dad."  
  
Harm quickly paid for the DVD and followed Mac out of the store, relieved that Jackson was still busy rambling and didn't notice their exit.   
  
Mac had barely closed the door to Harm's SUV before she was on her cellular to Webb.   
  
"Hey Webb, it's Mac. Got a sec? Great. Hey, I need some background information on a Commander Peter Jackson. Yeah, he's the new guy. He just seems...off. Can you see what you can dig up on him and call me back at Harm's?" Harm heard her laughing and looked over to see her shaking her head.   
  
"Jeez, Webb, you really don't miss anything, do you? Right, I'll tell him. Bye." She disconnected the call and laughed, "Webb already knows about us. He said he thanks you for choosing this week to get your head out of your six because it's his week in the office pool. I guess we just helped him win about $1,000.00." They laughed at the idea that the rumoured office pool on when they would get together was really true.   
  
"I guess Webb will be sending us an extra special gift for our wedding then, huh?" Harm said when he quit laughing. Hearing his words, his eyes got big and he slowly turned his head to look at Mac, whose eyes were just as big.   
  
"Wedding?" she squeaked. Clearing her throat she reminded herself that Marines don't squeak. "I'm sorry, did I miss something?" she asked, looking directly at Harm, daring him to change the subject.  
  
Harm turned to look at Mac. "No, you didn't miss anything. Yet. But don't you think that's where we'll end up sooner or later?" He returned his eyes to the road, barely missing a slow moving vehicle in front of him.   
  
'OK Harm, I can take this,' she thought, 'but let's see if you really can.'  
  
"So long as it's sooner rather than later, Sailor. We had a deal, remember?"  
  
"How could I forget? My looks, your brains or your looks, my brains."  
  
Mac's heart jumped. She fell in love with him all over again. "Or one of each?" She grinned at Harm.  
  
He flashed his flyboy grin at her as he replied. "Better yet." He was about to say something else when he looked in the rearview mirror to see an older model Corvette following at close range. Harm slowed down and so did the red convertible. He sped up. So did the other vehicle. Slowing down once again, Harm asked Mac to turn around and see if she recognized the driver.   
  
"Harm, it's him."  
  
"That miserable son of a..., what IS it with that guy? Webb had better call back soon. This guy is starting to *really* piss me off." Harm was getting ready to drive like he flew but he was able to sneak through the changing lights, leaving Jackson sitting at a red. Harm hadn't paid much attention to Jackson's rambling at the store minutes before. But thinking about it as he drove, a feeling of dread came over him. How did Jackson know so much about his life? And why?  
  
TBC 


	9. Chapter 9

DEEP TALK 9/10  
  
  
Authors: Damngunnyshot and LeE  
  
Classification: Romance, Some Humor H/M   
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimers: JAG doesn't belong to us. It belongs to DPB and CBS. We were just having some fun...   
  
A.N. from Shannon: When Lilly suggested writing a story together, I figured 'oh sure, that'll be fun. Lilly's a great writer. Shouldn't take us too long'. Two outta three ain't bad, right? It *was* fun and you *are* a great writer, and I would like to thank you for being a great co-author! Your humour has gotten me through this experience and it has been a pleasure to work with you. You, the readers, may notice inconsistencies with spellings of certain words. This used to be a direct result of an American (Lilly) co-authoring with a Canadian (me), although I think I'm rubbing off on her-she's starting to spell like a Canadian :-) LOL!!  
  
A.N. from Lilly: Well, what a ride huh Shannon? We certainly had fun writing this, and you're right: it *was* fun, and it *did* take us longer than we expected, but hey! We got it done! :) I guess with both of us being beta readers as well as writers, it was bound to take a little longer...:) Well, if it were for me, this story would've been 1,000 pages long, so I know for a fact we never would've gotten all the ideas in paper had it not been for my great co-author that always kept us on the right track when the ideas were flying everywhere. Thanks Shannon!! As for my "inconsistencies" in spelling, well I can neither confirm nor deny that rumour (rumor?) LOL...   
  
Feedback: If you feel inclined to do so, please send feedback to Lilly at lee_81881@yahoo.com or to Shannon at damngunnyshot@yahoo.com Thanks!  
  
  
*FROM PART 8*  
  
"So long as it's sooner rather than later, Sailor. We had a deal, remember?"  
  
"How could I forget? My looks, your brains or your looks, my brains."  
  
Mac's heart jumped. She fell in love with him all over again. "Or one of each?" She grinned at Harm.  
  
He flashed his flyboy grin at her as he replied. "Better yet." He was about to say something else when he looked in the rearview mirror to see an older model Corvette following at close range. Harm slowed down and so did the red convertible. He sped up. So did the other vehicle. Slowing down once again, Harm asked Mac to turn around and see if she recognized the driver.   
  
"Harm, it's him."  
  
"That miserable son of a..., what IS it with that guy? Webb had better call back soon. This guy is starting to *really* piss me off." Harm was getting ready to drive like he flew but he was able to sneak through the changing lights, leaving Jackson sitting at a red.   
  
  
PART 9  
  
NEXT TUESDAY  
COURTROOM A  
  
Harm sat behind the prosecution table playing with his pen. He thought back to the weekend he had spent with Mac. Harriett had called them on Friday night, asking if they could take little AJ while she went away for the weekend to spend time alone that she felt she needed. He remembered how Mac had looked with the little boy in her arms and wished once again that it were their child in her arms. He knew that she would make a great mom and he thought he could be a pretty decent dad. As much grief as he had given Frank over the years, Harm had to admit to himself that Frank had been a good role model.  
  
Normally he didn't like to daydream while in Court but Commander Jackson was defending a Master Gunnery Sergeant of a charge related to firing his weapon while off duty. He was indulging himself by looking at his academy ring on his left hand and wondering how his hands would look with a wedding ring on the left and his academy ring on the right. Milliseconds before he could catch himself doing this and chastising himself for partaking in such a typically female activity, a shot rang out in the Courtroom, breaking him from his reverie. His head snapped around to the origin of the shot.   
  
Commander Jackson stood with the Master Gunnery Sergeant's automatic weapon in his hand and a satisfied grin on his face. Colonel Blakely, the presiding justice, was furiously banging his gavel and calling for order. The panel members and the spectators were all cowering as best they could under and behind whatever was convenient. Marine guards and JAG personnel poured into the Courtroom to see what was going on, the shot having been heard throughout the building. Harm mentally pushed his shock aside until he finished surveying the Courtroom to ensure that no one was hurt. He then nodded to the bailiff to take the weapon out of Commander Jackson's hands. He then noticed AJ and Mac tearing into the Courtroom. AJ looked relieved that it wasn't Harm discharging the weapon and Mac looked relieved that Harm was okay. Harm gave Mac a special look that said he was okay and the tension left her face. He only hoped that his look also conveyed his feelings for her.  
  
"Well, it's no HNK. I guess that makes us even now, hey Harm?" he asked with a twisted smile. "Hey did I tell you about my new plane? She's a real beauty. Got her down around Leesburg. You know, they don't make 'em like they used to. This one's a rebuilt Stearman. You know the kind. Biplane. What a riot to fly those old ones, huh?"  
  
Colonel Blakely pounded his gavel. "Commander Jackson, when you're finished social hour, would you care to explain your little stunt that endangered the lives of everyone in here?"  
  
Jackson proceeded with a pathetic attempt at convincing the Marine that shooting off live ammunition in the Courtroom was in the best interests of justice. Blakely didn't seem to buy the explanation but ordered the trial to continue, as it was almost complete anyway. Jackson's witness was excused, closing arguments were made, the panel was given their instructions and Court was adjourned for the time being.   
  
Going back to his office, Harm changed his mind and turned into Mac's office. He knocked on the doorframe before he leaned against it and crossed his arms across his chest. Mac didn't look up as she barked "Enter".  
  
"Easy, there Marine, I thought you were going to work on that one." He said with an easy tone. Mac looked up and brightened at the sight before her. 'Damn, the man looks hot in his whites...'  
  
"Right. Sorry Harm, I was just caught up in this research." She waved her hands at the heaps of files adorning her desk and floor.   
  
"Ouch. Sounds like you're not getting out much." He delivered with his 100% Guaranteed Flyboy Smile, knowing he was gonna get it for that one.  
  
"No one's asking" she laughed as she tossed a crumpled up piece of yellow legal paper in his direction. He caught the paper and closed the door. Noticing that her chairs were occupied by yet more digests and texts, Harm sat on the least populated corner of Mac's desk and leaned in.   
  
"Well, I guess I'm going to have to change that. How about tonight? I've heard good things about 'Signs'. Wanna see Mel up on the big screen?" Sergei had told him that the movie was filled with moments that could lead to his big brother getting cuddling opportunities with the Colonel.   
  
Mac's phone rang. She shoved papers around on her desk until she could find the phone. "Sure Harm, how could a girl go wrong at that kind of invitation? Pick me up at 1845? Colonel Mackenzie. Right, I'll tell him. Thank you Corporal. Harm, you won't believe this but the members have a decision already."  
  
"Huh?" To say that Harm was surprised was an understatement; he'd never heard of a panel coming back that quickly. Why, it hadn't even been 15 minutes since Court had been adjourned!  
  
"Oh, that's profound Harm! Good thing you're a lawyer, what with your stellar communication skills! Go! Good luck!" Harm left Mac's office with the sound of her laugh following him out. He smiled inwardly. He loved the sound of her laughter and couldn't get enough of it, no matter how long he knew her.   
  
Colonel Blakely called the Court to order and requested the members' decision. Harm had won. Jackson had lost. Looking over at his opponent, Harm was unnerved by the emotion, or rather, lack of it, on Jackson's face. He was without any readable expression. Colonel Blakely took the opportunity to remind Commander Jackson of the professionalism which was expected in his Courtroom, and that professionalism included refraining from firing the evidence.   
  
"But Commander Rabb did it too, your honour" Jackson whined.   
  
"Well, you're not Commander Rabb, Commander. Court is adjourned." Blakely brought his gavel down on the bench and exited the Courtroom, not hearing Jackson's quiet reply "But I want to be." Jackson shot out of his chair without discussing the verdict with his client and practically ran out of the Courtroom. He ran down the hall and into the bullpen, frantically looking around. Seeing what he was looking for, he strode into Mac's office and pulled her from her chair. Before she could object, Jackson pressed his lips to her and proceeded to kiss her with everything he had.   
  
Meanwhile, Harm found Webb in his office waiting for him. Webb wasted no time in giving his report.  
  
"Harm, this guy's a strange one. He's Navy, but he was medically discharged a number of years ago. Apparently he's got delusional tendencies. He was a pilot at one point, but slammed a plane into the deck on a carrier landing and blamed it on his eyes. No one could prove it, but the deckhands and his RIO all swear that he did it deliberately. Nothing was ever found wrong with his vision, but he insisted that he was night blind. Even went so far as to try and bribe a doctor to verify it." Webb paused and sighed before he continued, shooting a worried look at Harm.   
  
"Harm, this guy's records are a mirror image of yours. He went to Georgetown for his JD. He tried everything to be assigned to the JAG corps. You know that other yellow biplane at the Leesburg field? It's his. He's also got an identical Corvette, which you already know, and the SUV just like yours. He's tried redoing a loft of his own, but he's not very handy so it didn't go so well. He's even gone so far as to ask a 747 pilot if he could land the plane in Korea."  
  
Harm was incredulous. "Is there any indication of why he's doing this?"  
  
Just then there was a loud crash from Mac's office. Harm practically vaulted over his desk as he and Webb raced to her office. What he saw made him proud.  
  
Jackson had been trying to get Mac to respond to his kiss by trying to force her hands around him, but he had obviously never tangled with a Marine before. Mac had him flat on his stomach with his arms behind his back before Harm had even shaken himself out of his shock. "Gee, Mac, I thought I was supposed to save the day," Harm quipped at seeing his Marine take charge of the situation.   
  
Commander Jackson's facial features morphed into a new person. His voice became higher and his eyes became vacant. "Mac can love both of us. We're the same, you and me. I'm you and you're me. Harm and Harm. But you get away with more. Why? We both fly F-14s. We're both lawyers. We both have yellow Stearmans with red letters. Your dad flew off the Ticonderoga and went MIA on Christmas Eve 1969. Mine went missing on Christmas Day, 1969. He was looking for your dad. Your dad made mine go MIA and leave me." His voice cracked into a high cry and he started shaking. "It's YOUR fault that he went MIA. YOU took everything away from me. I wanted to take away your life so you'd know how it felt to be totally alone. I've been alone for 33 years. Alone, all alone..."   
  
Harm looked to Webb. Webb looked grim as he confirmed the story. "It's true, Harm. His father was Lieutenant Steven Jackson in the Vietnam war. He was search and rescue, sent on a mission on Christmas Day, 1969 from the Ticonderoga, to find your father, but never returned to the ship. He was declared MIA."  
  
The Marine guards were directed into Mac's office by Tiner. Mac got up off of Jackson's back to allow the guards to take him away. It was obvious to everyone that Peter Jackson needed some help and in their own ways, each person who watched him be led out of the bullpen forgave him for the unkind things he had said and done to each one of them.  
  
Mac looked at Harm and noticed that he had *that* look again. She went to Harm and looked him in the eye. "Harm, look at me. It is NOT your fault that Lieutenant Jackson went MIA. It is NOT your father's fault. It was a war and, sadly, things happen in a war."  
  
"OK people, show's over." Admiral Chegwidden sent the JAG staff back to work before he appeared in Mac's doorway. "I understand that Mr. Jackson has some problems. Everything okay in here?"  
  
Harm and Mac both nodded. "Excellent. Well then, as you were. Oh, and Commander?"  
  
"Yes, Sir?"  
  
"Remember what we talked about last week, Rabb. No one's getting any younger around here." With that, he clasped his hands behind his back and walked back to his office, chuckling to himself. Sure, the situation with Commander Jackson was nothing to be happy about, but catching Harm and Mac off guard with comments like those was just too much fun. Some days it rocked to be the JAG.  
  
Seeing Mac's quizzical look, Harm assured her that he would fill her in when they got home.   
  
They had received information from Webb later that afternoon that Peter Jackson had been admitted to a mental institution and would receive excellent care. Harm surprised himself by feeling relieved that Jackson would be under good care. He wondered for the rest of the afternoon where that feeling came from. It was only after Mac offered her suggestion later that evening that he understood.  
  
  
TBC 


	10. Chapter 10 Conclusion

DEEP TALK 10/10 Conclusion  
  
So sorry it took so long to post this, but I had computer problems and the Mac I was using wouldn't let me upload the document to the site… :) Hope you enjoy the last part... There is an NC-17 version of this last part, as well as part 7… if any of you would like to read it, please e-mail me with an age statement and I'll gladly send it your way…:)  
  
  
Authors: Damngunnyshot and LeE  
  
Classification: Romance, Some Humor H/M   
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimers: JAG doesn't belong to us. It belongs to DPB and CBS. We were just having some fun…   
  
A.N. from Shannon: When Lilly suggested writing a story together, I figured 'oh sure, that'll be fun. Lilly's a great writer. Shouldn't take us too long'. Two outta three ain't bad, right? It *was* fun and you *are* a great writer, and I would like to thank you for being a great co-author! Your humour has gotten me through this experience and it has been a pleasure to work with you. You, the readers, may notice inconsistencies with spellings of certain words. This used to be a direct result of an American (Lilly) co-authoring with a Canadian (me), although I think I'm rubbing off on her-she's starting to spell like a Canadian :-) LOL!!  
  
A.N. from Lilly: Well, what a ride huh Shannon? We certainly had fun writing this, and you're right: it *was* fun, and it *did* take us longer than we expected, but hey! We got it done! :) I guess with both of us being beta readers as well as writers, it was bound to take a little longer…:) Well, if it were for me, this story would've been 1,000 pages long, so I know for a fact we never would've gotten all the ideas in paper had it not been for my great co-author that always kept us on the right track when the ideas were flying everywhere. Thanks Shannon!! As for my "inconsistencies" in spelling, well I can neither confirm nor deny that rumour (rumor?) LOL…   
  
Feedback: If you feel inclined to do so, please send feedback to Lilly at lee_81881@yahoo.com mailto:lee_81881@yahoo.com or to Shannon at damngunnyshot@yahoo.com mailto:damngunnyshot@yahoo.com Thanks!   
  
  
*FROM PART 9*  
  
"Remember what we talked about last week, Rabb. No one's getting any younger around here." With that, he clasped his hands behind his back and walked back to his office, chuckling to himself. Sure, the situation with Commander Jackson was nothing to be happy about, but catching Harm and Mac off guard with comments like those was just too much fun. Some days it rocked to be the JAG.  
  
Seeing Mac's quizzical look, Harm assured her that he would fill her in when they got home.   
  
They had received information from Webb later that afternoon that Peter Jackson had been admitted to a mental institution and would receive excellent care. Harm surprised himself by feeling relieved that Jackson would be under good care. He wondered for the rest of the afternoon where that feeling came from. It was only after Mac offered her suggestion later that evening that he understood.  
  
  
PART 10  
  
THAT EVENING  
HARM'S APARTMENT  
  
Dinner had gone by without a word. Mac offered him her silent support-- knowing that more than anything-- he needed his thoughts in order if he was to ever come to terms with the events of the past week. Looking over at her Sailor, Mac felt her heart twist at the sight of him, sitting on the couch, while he deeply concentrated on an invisible spot ahead of him. Putting the towel away, Mac made her way towards him and sitting down at his side, rested her hand on top of his. Immediately his hand opened beneath hers and his fingers entwined with hers.   
  
"I know it's not my fault, Mac. I know it wasn't my dad's fault either. But… I… can't help but feel like I should've done something, like I had to do something…"  
  
"Harm, maybe you feel like that because if your lives had turned out differently, it might have been you who was mentally unstable. You and your mother took a terrible situation and made the best of yourselves, knowing that that's what your dad would have wanted for you. Maybe his family wasn't as strong, it's hard to say."  
  
Harm absorbed Mac's words and realized that, once again, she was right. Except for one thing that had been eating at him all day since he'd learned the truth about Jackson's past ghosts.   
  
"But Mac, am I so different from him? Look at my obsession with my dad. God, Mac, I ran away from home at 16 to look for him in some godforsaken jungles when all of my friends were at home getting their drivers' licences. I let my search for him consume my life until we went to Russia the first time. Maybe I still obsess about it by continuing to fly Tomcats. If I wasn't obsessed, I could just give up my flight status and just fly Sarah on the weekends, right? I obsess about so many things, Mac. My job, my planes, my 'Vette, even you."   
  
Harm's emotions began to get the best of him as he obsessed about his obsessions. Mac leaned over and wrapped her hands around him to draw him near.   
  
"Me, huh?" she smiled at him to let him know she was only kidding. "Harm, yeah, maybe you do obsess about some things, but eventually you find a way to work through them. By now, I really don't think you are obsessed with flying. I just think it's a part of you. You breathe. You eat rabbit food. You grandstand in court and you fly F14s. That's just you. And I love you anyway."  
  
"I do not grandstand!"   
  
"Uh huh. And I don't like Beltway Burgers." She teased for a second, and at his soft smile she sobered. The matter had to be put to rest. She'd be damned if she let this incident with Jackson put a cork on their overflowing bottle of non-alcoholic champagne.  
  
"Harm, let it go. Please. For you. For me. For us." Her eyes pleaded with him and once again he found himself giving in to them. Was this what life had in store for him? He sure hoped so.  
  
"I love you, Sarah" and she smiled her brilliant smile, and he offered his flyboy grin, and they knew at once they'd be okay.   
  
"So what was the Admiral talking about by the way? Remember, he said no one's getting any younger?" Mac asked, a curious look in her eyes.  
  
An evil grin spread across Harm's face as he lowered his lips to her neck. "He wants to see a big sparkly rock on your left hand soon. So that we can make little AJ a playmate or two or three or four."   
  
Mac's toes curled as Harm's tongue dipped into the hollow of her collarbone; a soft whisper of his name left her lips, "Harm." She reveled in the feeling of being held in his arms. How long she had waited to feel this sense of…home. Finally, she knew what home meant. It truly wasn't geographical location or a building, but rather the feeling of knowing where one belongs. At that moment in time Sarah Mackenzie knew that she belonged with this one man, from now until they were no longer of this Earth. Her hands traveled across Harm's broad chest and grazed his nipples through his Go Navy t-shirt and each touch of Mac's fingers told Harm how she would forever cherish the sense of home that he had given her.   
  
Harm grasped her left hand in his right and brought it up to his lips. He took a finger into his mouth, suckling it before taking in the next finger and paying it the same attention. When he got to the third finger, he simply said "soon" before returning his lips to her full ones.   
  
Mac ran her hands up around Harm's back and pushed his shirt up his body. He raised his arms to allow her to pull it all the way off. No, his wasn't the body of a 20 year old, or even a 30 year old, but he was just perfect for her liking. He had filled out a little over the years since they had met, but he was still in amazing shape and just the sight of his well-formed torso had Mac getting even hotter than she already was….   
  
  
LATER THAT NIGHT  
THE WALL  
  
Mac stood wrapped in Harm's arms in front of the panel that Lt. Rabb was memorialized on. Each time she was here with Harm, she felt her heart break for him; grieving for the man she loved, who was unable to bring his father home from the vast wilderness of where he last lived. She was still a little nervous that the Rabb tradition would continue and the future would find her at yet another memorial paying tribute to yet another Rabb man, but Mac's heart told her that whether or not the future held that for her, her life was meant to be lived with Harm.   
  
A couple of lines down from Lt. Harmon Rabb, Sr., Harm ran his fingers across another name etched in the stone. "Thank you for trying to find my dad, Lt. Jackson. I know that you would have tried your best to help him. I'm sorry that you weren't able to come home to your son. I hope that he will eventually find the answers to his happiness, just like I've found mine. Please watch over him and keep him safe." He stepped back from the Wall and together with Mac, saluted.   
  
Harm turned to Mac and wrapped her in his arms. He dropped his head to hers and held her tight as two lonely tears ran down his cheeks. "Sarah, I promise that you will never have to bring our children to a wall to visit me."  
  
"Don't make a promise you can't keep, Harm" she murmured.  
  
"I haven't yet. I love you." With those words, he pulled himself up to his full height and held Mac protectively close to his side as they walked away from the names of Lt. Steven Jackson and Lt. Harmon Rabb, Sr. Away from their names on the Wall, but never away from their memories.   
  
  
END 


End file.
